Three Action Steps to Creating a Safe Space

Have you ever been in an uncomfortable situation with a client, colleague or employee who emotionally explodes with you? Emoting anger and accusations like a volcano through an email or a text message. You have no idea where all this anger is coming from and why it’s pointed at YOU! You are left wondering, what did I do and what do I do next time when I am in the same room with this person?

This type of situation causes a very uneasy feeling and discomfort in the pit of your stomach, which indicates that you don’t feel safe. Your brain goes into the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode, putting you on high alert and recalling other situations where you didn’t feel safe or weren’t able to confront the person. 

I, too, have been in this situation with clients, colleagues and as an employee where there was real tension in the workplace. Gossip, blaming, hostility, and criticism are just some ways a workplace environment can harm relationships and cause real stress for all.

Creating psychological safety in the workplace is crucial, especially for helping professionals who are regularly exposed to emotionally intense situations. Psychological safety—the belief that one can express thoughts, take risks, and be vulnerable without fear of negative consequences—enhances resilience, reduces stress, and fosters a supportive environment that ultimately benefits both the employees and the people they serve. 

How can your workplace foster psychological safety that addresses stress and trauma to support a resilient, emotionally healthy workplace?

The first step is understanding psychological safety and why it’s essential in a workplace.

The term “psychological safety” was popularized by Dr. Amy Edmondson, a Harvard Business School professor who defines it as “a shared belief that the team is safe for interpersonal risk-taking.” In a psychologically safe environment, employees feel comfortable voicing concerns, discussing mistakes, and challenging ideas without fear of being judged or penalized. This means that everyone in the team feels valued and respected and that their contributions are important. The stakes for helping professionals are high, as they often work in environments where they and their clients may be under considerable stress.

A lack of psychological safety can compound the effects of secondary trauma and compassion fatigue, common among helping professionals who continuously absorb the emotional distress of others. This can lead to burnout, decreased empathy, and an overall decline in mental health, impacting both the quality of care and the workers’ personal lives.

Research by the American Psychological Association highlights that when individuals feel psychologically safe, they are better equipped to manage stress and exhibit resilience in the face of adversity. Psychological safety thus serves as a protective factor against the damaging effects of stress and trauma, fostering a work environment that promotes healing rather than compounding trauma.

The second step is building the foundation for workplace psychological safety. 

It all starts with you as a leader. Whether you are a leader in the classroom, your department, a family daycare, or a large staff, we are all leaders! We all need leadership skills and to build them into our daily lives. Leaders who model vulnerability, openness, and empathy set a tone of acceptance and support, inspiring and motivating others to do the same.

Here are three actionable steps that you can take as a leader to start fostering a trauma-informed and psychologically safe environment:

  1. Be Empathetic: Practice active listening, validate others’ emotions, and prioritize empathy. Leaders can initiate regular check-ins with staff and co-workers to discuss any stressors or experiences of trauma-related work. Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability, emphasizes that empathetic leadership builds trust, a crucial element of psychological safety.
  1. Trauma and Toxic Stress Exposure is Common: Recognize and acknowledge that trauma and stress are part of the work in helping professions. Leaders can openly discuss situations without stigma. For instance, during team meetings, leaders can share their own experiences of stress and how they manage it, or they can invite team members to share their experiences. When you bring the topic of stress and trauma out into the open, you are encouraging others to seek support.
  1. Open Communication is Key: In a psychologically safe space, there is time for open conversations, conversations that allow you to explore your feelings and needs without judgment and helps others in doing the same. This open communication encourages and supports everyone in the workplace, making them feel heard and valued. 

What does it look like to be a leader that practices psychological safety?

Jordan is a child welfare team director in a busy urban area. Her team, composed of social workers, case managers, and support staff, deals with high-stress cases involving trauma, abuse, and neglect. Due to the emotional demands of the work, Jordan knows that her team members frequently experience secondary traumatic stress and compassion fatigue. She believes that fostering psychological safety is crucial for her team to stay resilient, collaborative, and effective in their work.

Jordan regularly meets with each team member individually to check in on their well-being and workload. During these one-on-ones, she practices active listening. Jordan acknowledges their challenges and avoids giving “quick fixes” to their problems, focusing instead on understanding their needs. She also encourages open communication within the team and invites everyone to share their thoughts on improving workflows, regularly reinforcing that every voice matters.

In team meetings, Jordan is open about her own challenges and mistakes. For instance, she once shared how she felt emotionally exhausted after a particularly tough case but found solace in a mindfulness practice. By showing her vulnerability, Jordan creates an environment where her team feels comfortable expressing their own emotional struggles. 

When a team member admitted feeling overwhelmed and doubting their ability to continue in the field, Jordan responded empathetically. She acknowledged the difficulty of the work and reassured them that these feelings were normal. She reminded them of their impact and offered support in finding a manageable balance.

These are just a few examples of how Jordan supported her staff as a leader who recognized the importance of psychological safety and a trauma-informed approach. This approach transformed her workplace culture. Staff reported feeling more supported and valued and less fearful of making mistakes. They shared helpful coping techniques and formed resilience support groups. Morale improved, and turnover rates in the department dropped significantly. Jordan’s leadership fostered an environment where psychological safety and trauma-informed practices strengthened her team’s well-being and the quality of care they provided.

Psychological safety in the workplace is essential for helping professionals who face unique stressors and trauma exposure. By fostering empathy, open communication and encouraging discussions to remove stigma, organizations can create environments where employees feel safe, supported, and empowered to perform at their best. These strategies enhance the workforce’s well-being and improve the quality of care for clients, creating a ripple effect that extends beyond the workplace.

Understanding N.E.A.R. Science: How Trauma and Toxic Stress Affects You and Your Team

The county fair is a big highlight of the summer each year. When my children were young, we would attend the fair every day. Being involved in 4-H, sports, and community activities led to much work at the various food stands and booths.

At the county fair, there were a variety of carnival rides. My children looked forward to going on all the different carnival rides, “The Bullet,” “Tilt-a-Whirl,” and “Rocket” were some that I can remember. I would walk through the crowded pathways with my children in tow, the loud music of the carnival rides blasting throughout the area. I stood back and watched which rides each of them chose. My son loved the fast rides that made his stomach go up and down. My other son would favor bumper cars and Ferris wheels. As I stood by “Rocket,” waiting for my son, I would watch other children come off, saying,” Never again” or “Let’s do it again!”

Trauma and its effects on the brain are similar to the response to a carnival ride. We all have traumatic or high-stress experiences in life. Some people come through trauma and stressful times with a response of resilience and growth. Others experience a challenging event and are stuck in the struggle, unable to move beyond it. It can be the same traumatic or high-stress event; however, they have very different reactions.

The human brain, with its complexity, is a fascinating subject to learn about. Understanding how we react to events, our world, and others is a journey of discovery. Past trauma and toxic stress can change how each of us responds to those experiences on our journey of discovery.

Researcher Gabor Mate’ explains that trauma is not the event; it’s what happens inside our body as a result of the event.

As an organization strives to become Trauma-Informed and Resilient, understanding toxic stress and trauma’s effects is a crucial first step. In my previous blog post, I introduced N.E.A.R. Science as a key support for creating a Trauma-Informed, Resilient Workplace. A deep understanding of the N.E.A.R. Science model, Neurobiology, Epigenetics, Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), and Resilience provides a practical understanding of how trauma and toxic stress can impact you and your staff. 

Let’s break down the N.E.A.R. Science model to see how to use this information in the workplace.

Neurobiology studies the brain and how stress can affect its structure. The brain is critical to understanding humans’ responses to stress and how that works in our bodies. Returning to the carnival ride, some people respond to stressors in life and can handle the stress with the support in place. They know that the world is overall safe. They have the protective factors to be resilient and can “do it again”! Other people will react to the stressors by seeing the world as scary and lonely; they don’t have the protective factors and agency to be resilient and falter in moving forward. They  “never want to do that again!” Each reaction is the person’s experience, and both are valid.

Epigenetics studies how the environment and behaviors can affect how our genetic code is expressed. It helps us better understand people’s varied responses to traumatic and stressful events based on intergenerational trauma. There is ongoing research into epigenetics, and the Harvard Center on the Developing Child is an excellent resource with an infographic that explains epigenetics and how it relates to child development. Reasons for a person’s or a group’s responses to the carnival ride (or other events) may lie in a person’s epigenetics. 

ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) are children’s experiences from birth to age 18. These types of experiences can have long-term negative health implications for adults. The research study included ten specific traumatic events studied in the 1990s through Kaiser Permanente. The results showed that ACEs are common in the population; over 64% of adults said they had experienced at least one event, and nearly 1 in 6 reported four or more. There was a strong correlation between the number of ACEs and adverse health outcomes in the group with four or more ACEs. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has more information about ACEs and their implications on our population. These experiences cause toxic stress in a child, which can cause long-term negative impacts. In the example of the carnival ride, the child comes off the ride and is made fun of for their response to the experience, or there is no one there to comfort them. If this happens repeatedly, the stress builds up and can affect the stress response system in the body.

Resilience, the ability to bounce back from adversity, is nurtured through the protective factors established within our community or individually. Research has shown that these protective factors and Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs) can mitigate the effects of ACEs. The support of friends and family, community members, and schools can have a positive long-term impact on the health of adults. In the example of the carnival ride, a child steps off and is scared, but another person is there who can comfort them. The child can feel safe about the experience, and the other person cheers them on to try more. This is an example of the protective factor of another person to mitigate the stress of the experience.

We often feel like we are on a carnival ride in our work and life. You or your staff members may react like one of my children to a stressful situation. When we have unresolved issues from childhood, those stressful experiences can bring on reactions that you or staff members may not fully understand the origin. The N.E.A.R. Science model helps your team to move from wondering, “What is wrong with that person?” to “What has happened to that person?” This shift can bring empathy and compassion to our interactions with team members.

The N.E.A.R. Science model provides a comprehensive view of the impact of trauma and ways to build resilience through individual practices and system-wide changes. When we grasp the principles of N.E.A.R. Science, we gain a deeper understanding of the individual and how they navigate life experiences. This understanding allows us to implement practices to help staff better understand and address their needs, leading to a more supportive and effective work environment.

Being Trauma-Informed in Your Organization

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about being your best and that your best will change from moment to moment, day to day, and year to year. As humans, we each have our unique personalities and characteristics. We don’t need to fix ourselves; we need to learn and practice skills that allow us to be who we are.

Over the past year, we’ve witnessed a significant departure of staff from the helping professions. In a recent meeting with social service agencies, a leader reported a staggering 60% vacancy rate. Even in schools, we’ve seen teachers leaving their positions mid-year due to stress and burnout. This is a pressing issue that demands our immediate attention. 

Practicing well-being skills can be the individual’s responsibility and supported by organizational values and goals. An organization that understands the effects of trauma and stress on people and promotes well-being and self-care activities for the staff yet makes unrealistic demands and expectations for productivity are not walking the talk. Traumatic events and toxic stress are the contributors to burnout. According to research on trauma, 90% of adults experience a traumatic event at least once in their lives. Trauma can be any perceived harm with adverse effects on one’s functioning or well-being (SAMSHA).

What is a Trauma-Informed Organization?

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), a trauma-informed organization strives to meet four criteria:

  1. Realize the widespread impact of trauma
  2. Recognize the signs and symptoms of trauma
  3. Responds by fully integrating knowledge about trauma into practice and 
  4. Actively resists retraumatization.

Implementing the 4R framework can be a transformative, multi-year journey for any organization or school. This approach, which includes strategic planning, training, coaching, and collaboration among leadership and staff, has the potential to significantly improve the well-being and resilience of your workplace. 

What can organizations do to support a Trauma-Informed, Resilient workplace?

  1. Understand how trauma and toxic stress can affect yourself and your staff. Everyone in leadership must deeply understand the N.E.A.R. Science model, Neurobiology, Epigenetics, Adverse Childhood Expereinces (ACEs), and Resilience to put in place the protective factors needed for staff.
  1. Review the policies in place and identify changes that need to be made that align with the 4R’s framework. 
  1. Create safety: physical and emotional safety is one of the key principles of a trauma-informed, resilient workplace. Establish safety by promoting a “culture of wellness” that moves an organization from burnout to resilience. This culture of wellness can be fostered through regular check-ins, open communication, and providing resources for self-care.
  1. Skills development to build staff resources and resilience. These can include emotional intelligence training, communication workshops, and wellness practices. These skills allow us to understand and gain insight into others and ourselves.

These four points are a starting point to help leaders set the tone for the organization’s culture and develop a path to supporting everyone within it.

Change takes time; however, interventions from the organizational level have the highest impact and require thoughtful planning. This is a real paradigm shift. It is changing the way organizations or schools support families, children, and youth to prevent the exit of highly qualified professionals affected by burnout.

Leadership commitment is crucial on the path to a trauma-informed, resilient organization or school. This commitment not only fosters a supportive workplace for staff but also paves the way for the growth and well-being of the clients we serve. It’s a mission-driven responsibility that we, as leaders in the helping profession, must uphold. 

If you are looking for a place to start on the path to a Trauma-Informed, Resilient organization or school, please reach out to see how we can collaborate on the journey.

Three Steps to Reduce Stress

Stress is a constant in life. There are stressors throughout the day that you need to contend with, like getting to work on time, being able to put food on the table, paying bills, and taking time to grow relationships. These are all good things, but they are daily events that can be stressful.

How we handle these daily stressful events depends on how we build in small, doable, stress-relieving activities throughout the day—activities that bring laughter, emotion, connection, and fun. 

Step one is a crucial foundation for stress management. It involves stopping and noticing. Pay attention to what your mind is saying. Your thoughts can be the most stress-inducing event of the day. What are you saying to yourself, what is happening in your body, and how are you feeling? Noticing these signals can take just a few moments. When feeling unsafe, your brain releases cortisol and adrenaline hormones, activating the amygdala and hypothalamus. But by recognizing these signs, you can take control and manage your stress. 

Shifting from the amygdala, the part of the brain that is ready to jump into action to keep us safe, to the prefrontal cortex, the thinking part, can take twelve or more seconds. Stop right now and count slowly to 12. Great! If you were feeling stressed, you took some time to notice and shift.

If you have accomplished step one, that is huge! When you can stop and notice, you are doing a big service for yourself. You recognize the state you are in and honor yourself.

Step two is to shift your state of mind when you are in a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. Most people know the fight, flight, and freeze response to danger and stress. The fawn response is one of appeasing the danger, not being able to set clear boundaries, or saying no. 

Shifting your state is about finding ways to release the feel-good hormone of oxytocin into the brain. There are many ways to do this shift and build short, doable actions into your daily life. Here are just a few things you can try:

  • Physical touch that is with someone you trust, hugging, holding hands, kissing, massage
  • High-intensity exercise
  • Listening to music or singing with a group
  • Social activities with a friend or seeing your family 
  • Cuddle with a pet
  • Laughter looking at funny videos or laughing with friends is even better.

Step three is to reflect on the event that increased the stress response. After a stress response, and you feel calm, ask yourself, “What just happened? “What was that all about? ” Take the time to find out what needs were not being met for you and what you can do next time to better manage your stress. Journaling your answers or discussing them with a trusted person can be helpful. You might want to seek professional help if this situation is difficult.

Many people experience chronic stress, stress that is at low continuous levels, keeping the stress response system always on alert. After a while, this constant release of cortisol into the body can contribute to long-term health problems like heart disease and diabetes.

Fortunately, you can learn these techniques to reduce stress. It takes a little time to build them into your daily routine, creating a habit that will, in the long term, change how you respond to stress. When you can make this small change in your life, a ripple effect can happen, touching the lives of those all around you.
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Two Top Trauma-Informed Resiliency Podcasts for Leaders

This past week, I drove a lot of miles in my car alone. Sometimes, I like to listen to music while driving, but most of the time, I love podcasts! As an experienced educator and advocate for trauma-informed care, I have found podcasts to be a valuable resource in my professional development. 

If you are a busy leader of an organization or school, podcasts can offer valuable insight into the problems and issues that many leaders experience. Here are just two of my favorite podcasts that can provide you with practical support and knowledge while you are on your daily commute, making your time more productive and efficient.

(Re)Education of Schools Podcast

Description: Educators Justin Moorman and Katie Thornton have open, honest conversations about how to understand better social-emotional learning, trauma-informed care, the “why’s” behind student behavior, and how to help kids navigate it all as they go through school and life. 

Why listen: The episodes are around 30 minutes long, just enough time to provide some practical tools and understanding of a trauma-informed approach, practice, or issue.

Notable Episode: I have just recently started listening to episodes, and I have found them all valuable so far. “Leading a Trauma-Informed School with James Moffett” was very informative and gave some great insights into how being trauma-informed is not always a way of doing things; it’s also a way of being. This a good podcast not just for educators and school leaders; anyone who works with children or has children in their life can gain valuable insight.

Daring to Lead and Unlocking Us

Descriptions: Both podcasts are hosted by researcher Brene Brown. However, Unlocking Us features conversations with other notable researchers about unlocking the deeply human part of who we are so that we can live, love, parent, and lead with a whole heart. Dare to Lead features conversations with change catalysts, culture shifters, and troublemakers innovating, creating, and daring to lead. 

Why listen: Yes, I know this is two podcasts, yet there is a lot of overlap. Some interviews are cross-over interviews and run on both podcasts. Brene’ Brown asks insightful, deep questions of her guests. Both podcasts are helpful for leaders and educators since we are all working with and leading other humans. At the non-profit where I used to work, we had a monthly get-together over Zoom called “Beverages with Brene.” It was an evening where we would all listen to the same episode and discuss our thoughts and insights gleaned from the interview. 

Notable Episode: Brene took a hiatus from podcasting in 2023, and I was delighted to see her back with episodes this past February. She is now doing a limited series on topics. Her first topic was the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and then she did a series on AI.  As a leader, I would turn to some of her past podcast interviews, Lisa Lahey on Immunity to Change on Dare to Lead. On Unlocking Us, Father Richard Rohr on Spirituality, Certitude and Infinite Love. Both interviews are two parts and might take more than one commute to listen.

There are so many more podcasts I love to listen to and enjoy, be it for learning or laughing. The two I shared with you provide a wealth of information and inspiration for leaders and educators. 
I have been a guest on several parenting, teaching, and leadership podcasts, discussing trauma-informed practices and resilience. My website has links to all my podcast appearances at https://wildewoodlearning.com/podcast-appearances/. Give one or two of them a listen!

Strength Spotting in Young Children

Last week, I presented a breakout session at a large conference. One of the questions I asked the audience was, “What are the challenging behaviors you see in children?” I have asked adults working with children and youth from toddlers to high school. Here are some of the common answers:

  • Aggressive behaviors (hitting, biting, name-calling)
  • Lack of focus and motivation
  • Anxiety and depression
  • Self-harming

All these behaviors and many others leave adults feeling frustrated, upset, angry, and confused about the child. The struggling child often disrupts the environment and creates an uncomfortable situation for other children.

What can an adult do when confronted with challenging behaviors? The solution starts with our nervous systems. We need to rewire our brains to approach the situation calmly and connect with the child or youth. The brain can change; it’s not static, even when we are adults. 

I find the brain fascinating in our human body; maybe that’s the former middle school science teacher within me. When I discovered I could train my brain, I recognized that I was helping the children I interacted with to rewire their brains. Small positive changes started in their behavior. However, I needed support and practice to make this shift. 

As a parent, educator, and caregiver, I understand the challenges and struggles of working with children. I’ve been there, feeling stressed, hopeless, and alone in my struggles with my children’s behaviors. I was an adoptive parent with four adopted children under 7. As a classroom teacher, I have worked with children and teens for over 15 years. How hard could it be to parent children? You can read that story here! Let me say it was way more difficult than I thought to parent children who have experienced trauma at a young age.

I slowly found the information, support, and practices that helped me to make small shifts in how I interacted with my children and others. These shifts took practice; however, slowly, I saw the results in both myself and my children.

By intentionally focusing on the good within my children, I noticed a remarkable shift. Over time, I realized the secret to addressing challenging behaviors. When my behavior changed, their behavior changed! This shift in perspective led to positive changes in their behavior and our relationship, showing that positive change is not only possible but achievable.

As parents, educators, and caregivers of children, we tend to want to improve their behavior by focusing on what they can’t do instead of what comes naturally to them. 

It’s natural to focus on the negatives, especially when we’re stressed. However, we can retrain our brains to see the positives and understand that behavior is a form of communication. When we do that, we can spot the strengths in children. It’s a powerful shift in perspective that can make a world of difference. 

Over the past four years, I have worked with my colleague Monica Cochran, founder of Learning without Borders, to develop a course for educators, daycare providers, afterschool program directors, and parents on seeking the good in children. This course helps you understand challenging behaviors and switch your perspectives to strengths-based approaches.

If you would like to bring the Strength-Based Resilience Course to your staff to build practices that support children and adults, contact Kathy.

Back to School: Creating Community and Connection

As a classroom science teacher, the beginning of the school year was always a special time for me. I would excitedly plan the curriculum, envision the learning students would experience, and then put up a few posters around the room to make the classroom feel inviting. At the top of my back-to-school “to-do” list was the curriculum, not building relationships.

Entering my fifth year of teaching, mainly middle school life science, I was about to embark on a new challenge – teaching 10th-grade Biology. During the teacher workshop week, a session on using circles to build classroom community caught my attention. It was primarily for elementary teachers, but I was open to trying something new. I was inspired to change how I started the school year with my new students.

In the session, I learned about using circles to build community. The session inspired me to think, “I can try something different to start the new school year. I am willing to change. What did I have to lose?” 

On the first day of the experiment, I had the students arrange their chairs in a large circle. I emphasized the significance of circles in building a community, where everyone has the opportunity to be seen, heard, and understood. I posed a simple question, and we passed around a stuffed animal to indicate who had the floor to speak. Then, we played some games. It was a fun, relaxed, and most importantly, it was a different way to start the school year. 

I continued to hold a circle throughout the first week of school, introducing a few biology concepts along the way. The students saw it as a way to get out of work, and I saw it as a way to connect.

We moved from a daily circle to a weekly circle and from me leading the circle to students leading the circle. The classroom time spent holding a circle allowed us to get to know each other. When problems came up during the school year, as they always do, we took the time to know one another. I could resolve conflicts and issues with students more easily through a short conversation instead of involving the administration.

At the beginning of my circle experiment, it was challenging for me to avoid jumping right into the curriculum. I had a difficult time overcoming the constant chatter in my head about summer learning loss and how we had to get through so much material to prepare students for college or life after high school. I had to work hard not to give in to the ongoing expectations of what a Biology classroom “should” look like.

My hope for the year was to grow a relationship with the students, help them see how biology fits into their lives, and remind them that we are all in this together. The community circle helped me meet all those goals and so much more!

I was doing trauma-informed work before it was even known as trauma-informed work. The community circle is just one way to help youth feel like they belong and support them in feeling seen, heard, and understood for who they are.

Community circles are a great way to start the school year with staff. They can help staff feel seen, heard, and understood, fostering a sense of belonging and creating the supported relationships needed to grow a resilient organization. These circles can also provide a platform for staff to share their experiences and concerns, promoting a culture of open communication and mutual support. 

Staff need to experience the circle before integrating it into their class community. If you are interested in starting the school year with your staff holding a community circle, I suggest the “Circle Forward” manual by Carolyn Boyes-Watson and Kay Pranis. This comprehensive guide provides a step-by-step introduction to the circle process, including its principles, practices, and potential challenges, and offers multiple ways to use it with staff and youth.

Circles are for more than just elementary classrooms. Circles create connections and communities with staff, families, and older youth. Please take a chance and consider implementing something that will make a connection at the beginning of your school year. I guarantee you won’t regret it.

Six Tools to Hone Your Superpower Listening

Did you know that listening, when done effectively, can be a superpower? It is! Just like a superhero uses their powers for good, you can harness the power of listening to transform your personal and professional relationships. 

This is especially true in the modern world, where there is so much distraction. Phones are dinging with notifications, everyone is talking all at once, and our heads are down, rushing off to the next appointment. There is no time just to stop and listen. Listen to yourself, listen to others, or listen to the earth.

Over the past month, I have listened. What I have learned is that:

  • Listening takes work. 
  • Listening can be uncomfortable. 
  • Listening will shift a relationship. 

Through my practice of listening, I have learned a lot about myself and my family members. Things that I thought I knew, I was wrong. Feelings that I had while a family member talked were genuinely uncomfortable. I wanted to defend, tell my side of the story, and shut down. Yet I tried my best to be present, sit through the discomfort, and check in with my thoughts and feelings. This process of active listening has not only improved my relationships but also empowered me with a deeper understanding of myself and others.

What has been the outcome of my practice? The family member felt they were heard and what they had to say mattered. It has shifted our relationship to a better place, and we feel more trust in one another.

Think about something that you accomplished where you felt proud. Now, remember the process of getting to that accomplishment. Was it easy? Probably not. Was it fast? Usually not. Was it worth it? Yes!

Listening is the same: not easy, not fast, and totally worth it. It’s a journey that requires determination and commitment, but the rewards of improved relationships and personal growth make it a journey worth taking.

Tools to Practice Your Listening Superpower

  1. Be Present: Sit for one minute and do nothing. Come on, you have one minute to spare. Keep practicing this daily. See if you can stretch it to 2 minutes. Being present is essential to listening with your heart.
  2. WAIT, an acronym for ‘Why Am I Talking? ‘, is a powerful tool to enhance your listening skills. It encourages you to pause before speaking, allowing you to choose your words with care and examine your intent. 
  3. Pause: Stop and sit in the discomfort of silence. Sit with your uncomfortable feelings and thoughts.
  4. Reflect: If you need to say something, reflect to the speaker what you heard them say. Start with the phrase, “What I heard you say is ….” Then say what you heard.
  5. Go deeper: Ask the speaker to tell you more about their perception. Let them tell you what they need to say.
  6. Regulate: After listening to something difficult, you might need a break to process. Go for a walk, write in a journal, listen to music, or do an activity that can help you feel calm. Once you are calm, you can ask if the person is willing to listen to your side of the story. 

Each of these tools requires practice. I suggest focusing on one at a time when practicing listening. You can practice listening at any time. Maybe a co-worker is telling you about a fun vacation. You stop, listen, and practice reflecting back to them or asking them to tell you more about the experience. 

Listening is just one of the Superpower tools I teach in my workshops to support you and your colleagues in building organizational resiliency. Find out more about upcoming Wildewood Learning events where you can learn more about honing your Listening Superpowers: https://wildewoodlearning.com/events/

Growing the Strength of Children and Youth!

Three weeks ago, I attended a conference sponsored by the Alternative Education Resource Organization (AERO) in Minneapolis, MN. I was both a presenter and a participant at the conference.

When I give a breakout session, I want to ensure that the participants walk away with at least one skill, tool, or strategy they can use with children or youth. Today, I am sharing an activity from my conference session with you.

So often, the systems surrounding us try to fit everyone into a one-size-fits-all model. This deficit-based model looks at people and identifies what they need to improve or be “fixed” within themselves. It leaves children thinking they are not enough, don’t fit in, or can’t be themselves. Children can carry limiting beliefs, like these, into adulthood.

Imagine if children and youth were actually supported in identifying their strengths, exploring their talents, and developing their skills over the years. As the adults surrounding children and youth, we play a crucial and integral role in this process. It’s our responsibility to guide them in this journey. Adults first need to see their strengths. Once adults have explored their strengths, they can better support children and youth in their journey of exploration. Adult mentors who can identify strengths feel valued and integral to the development of the children and youth in their classrooms and programs. They are building positive relationships!

As facilitators, you have the power to acknowledge your strengths and support children and youth in recognizing their own. Here is an activity that you can use to help you recognize your strengths and then support children and youth in recognizing their strengths.

  1. Find a partner with whom you want to learn more about.
  2. You will tell a story in which you felt proud, accomplished, or good about what you did or what happened. Your partner will practice active listening—listening for strength qualities and asking questions. Let your partner know when you both have a story in mind and then you can start.
  3. In your group, select Person A and Person B. Person A; you will have two minutes to tell your story. Person B, you will be listening for strength qualities through what the person did in the story.
  4. Have one person set the timer on his phone for 2 minutes, and Person A can start telling the story.
  5. Person B, tell person A what strengths you heard them say. For ideas of the strengths that showed up in the story, refer to the VIA character strengths word cloud.
  6. Reverse roles and Person B tells a story while Person A practices listening to the story.
  7. Then, take a few minutes to reflect on your story and strengths.

This is a very powerful activity when used in a Circle with youth or adults. It can help create a sense of belonging and acceptance within the group, making everyone feel included and seen as part of a supportive community. This activity has the potential to transform the dynamics of your group, fostering a sense of unity and support. 

You can also use this activity with younger children by having them tell a story of when they were proud or accomplished a challenging task. Then, reflect to them the strengths that you heard in the story.

This is just one of the many tools, strategies and activities that I share with school leaders, educators and youth program directors in my workshop, “Growing the Strengths of Youth: Cultivating Trauma-Informed Resiliency Practices.” Find out more about my live online workshops HERE. I would love to share with you more ways to grow the strength of children and youth in your school or program.

The Hope and Healing of Developmental Trauma

Do you like puzzles? You may be drawn to picture or word puzzles. I like Wordle, and my oldest son likes the 1000-piece picture puzzles. He spreads them out on the table and separates the pieces into categories. Edge pieces, pieces with different color groups, each go into a little pile on the dining room table. He then starts putting them in the right spot and sees the pattern begin. It takes a lot of time and thought to transform a thousand pieces into a beautiful scene.

Developmental or childhood trauma is not just a puzzle; it’s a complex, multi-piece puzzle. However, you don’t have all the pieces, or some of the pieces have edges that are chewed up or broken off. You might not know the picture you are trying to create when putting the pieces together. The puzzle pieces don’t fit quite right, and your picture has blurred images, holes, and spaces. Putting all the pieces together might take a lot of time and thought, so much so that you need to come back to the puzzle multiple times for different lengths of time. You feel frustrated, anxious, and disappointed because the pieces are not fitting together, and you don’t know why.

Developmental trauma is complex, especially when it happens at a young age. Our mind likes to fill in the holes and make meaning of an event, making assumptions. We may remember a glimpse of an image, feeling, or smell; our brain reacts when that happens, creating a belief that we are safe or not safe. If the brain determines that it’s not a safe situation, the nervous system tells the body that it’s not safe. This reaction happens without awareness, creating a fight, flight, or freeze reaction. The memories of not being safe are stored in our bodies at a very young age and can leave lasting effects into adulthood. 

Trauma is not the experience; it’s how your body perceives the experience. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) such as neglect, abuse, violence, and household instability can be the culprits of developmental trauma. Left alone at too young of an age, lack of food or care by trusted adults can cause profound wounds. The wounds of trauma need healing at each developmental stage.

The trauma response of fight, flight, or freeze manifests in challenging behaviors that the individual may not understand the underlying cause of. When a child or adult enters the stress response, the resulting reaction can leave those around them wondering what is wrong. Recognizing these signs and understanding the underlying trauma is not just crucial; it’s a responsibility to provide the support and care they need. 

However, trauma awareness is not just a tool; it’s a powerful tool for those with developmental trauma and for those who support them. It can clearly explain why they might struggle to form solid relationships, trust others, or feel safe. It can also shed light on the persistent feelings of anxiety, depression, anger, or shame that they experience.

Once developmental trauma is identified, the support and understanding of those around the individual can truly make a difference. Shedding light on behaviors that are not a true reflection of the person but are a result of what happened to them is a crucial step in the healing process.

There are some great resources to dive deeper into Developmental Trauma:

The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk

What Happened to You? By Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey

My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem

These books and many more resources explain developmental trauma in detail and offer hope and the healing that is needed. 

Understanding the impact of trauma, especially on youth and children, can help us better understand behaviors and respond with compassion to support a child. Being informed and recognizing the signs and symptoms of trauma in children can support the integration of trauma awareness into policies, procedures, and practices. The services provided by Wildewood Learning can support your school or organization in adopting a new approach to shifting the paradigm in how we serve, learn, and grow.