Boundaries: The Key to Sustainable Connection in the Workplace

There once was a leader who cared very deeply for her staff. Let’s call her Kay. Now, Kay was a competent leader with many years of experience under her belt. She went out of her way to go above and beyond for her staff and the families and children they served. You could see in the way she checked in with her staff, stepped in when things got tough, and stayed late to ensure everything was covered. Kay wanted her staff to feel supported and connected. 

Most days, Kay would arrive early to work and be the first one through the office door. She would pause whatever she was doing to listen to a staff member’s concerns and stay up late following up on emails and work-related tasks. 

When a staff member felt overwhelmed, Kay stepped in and took something off their plate. When there was tension in the office, Kay worked to smooth it out. Kay had a very long “to-do” list that never stopped, and she truly maintained an open-door policy. 

She wanted to create a positive connection with her staff, but over time, something began to shift.

Kay felt exhausted most of the time and slept very little. She felt responsible for everyone — staff, clients, families, her own family — and the responsibilities didn’t seem to end.

The more Kay gave, the more people expected her to pick up the pieces. 

She loves to get outdoors and walk, but seems to have little time for it. When she does have time away from work, she spends it with her family, which leaves very little or no time for herself. 

Kay didn’t set clear boundaries, and if she continues on this path, she will burn out.

Does Kay sound familiar?  

In some respects, I was a “Kay”. I struggled to set my boundaries, and it wasn’t a skill that came naturally to me; it was one I had to practice. 

“Kay” is someone I often see helping organizations. Leaders who care deeply about their teams and the people they serve, and who, often without realizing it, take on more in the name of caring. But here is the truth:

Leaders don’t create a healthy workplace culture by doing everything. 

They create it by modeling what is sustainable.

When leaders practice setting clear, kind, and consistent boundaries, they build trust and safety, helping staff feel secure and supported.

A Trauma-Informed Lens: Boundaries Create Safety

One of the key pillars of my framework is safety. Safety is essential for creating a healthy workplace.

When boundaries are clear:

People know what to expect.

Stress levels are lower.

Trust increases due to consistency.

These are trauma-informed principles that help staff feel safer at work. They also apply to staff working with families and children.

Leaders who fail to model boundaries often unintentionally foster cultures where overgiving becomes the norm. Staff may start to think that being “helpful” means saying yes to everything, even if it harms their own well-being.

What do healthy boundaries look and sound like?

Healthy boundaries involve being clear about what we can and cannot handle while maintaining a relationship. For example, if Kay needed to set a boundary with a staff member who kept coming into her office to ask questions, she might say: “I want to support you, and I can talk for 5 minutes. I am not able to take this on today. Would you be willing to talk to me about the situation tomorrow morning?” This response is clear and kind, and Kay may need to repeat it to the staff member more than once. 

Keeping the Boundary

Setting a boundary is just the first step. Keeping it is where the real work happens. 

People often unintentionally test your boundaries. When this happens, you might fall back into old habits by giving in, over-explaining, or saying yes when you really want to say no. Sometimes you’re unaware of your boundaries until they are crossed. If a situation makes you feel uncomfortable, guilty, frustrated, or resentful, then a boundary might have been crossed. 

Instead of defaulting to your old behaviors, I suggest a simple RESET.

Regulate your nervous system by practicing the pause.

Empathize with the person by acknowledging their feelings

State your boundary clearly and kindly to them

Enforce the boundary by keeping it short, 1-2 sentences, restating it if needed

Take care of yourself; you are not responsible for the other person’s reaction

Consistency, not perfection, is what builds trust. 

Leaders Create the Culture

In my view, leaders are you! It doesn’t matter if you are an administrator, director, classroom teacher, social worker, home daycare provider, or anyone else who serves families and children. Your relationship with boundaries sets the tone for the staff, families, or children you interact with daily. 

When a leader takes on too much responsibility, responds at all hours, or avoids setting limits, it sends a message of “This is what’s expected here.” However, when a leader clearly states their limits, asks for help, or reinforces a boundary with care, it fosters a culture where people can engage without burning out. It’s a small change that can make a big difference. 

Ready to Practice?

If you’re looking for simple, practical language you can use right away, download my Trauma-Informed Boundary Scripts Handout to support conversations with colleagues and clients.

Well-being Is More Than Individual Resilience

Last spring, I attended a Restorative Justice Program conference with practitioners and youth from across the state. Almost immediately, I noticed something different about this conference compared to others I’ve attended.

As I walked into the opening session, the room was arranged in five large circles of chairs. The host greeted us and said, “Choose the circle that speaks to you.”

In the center of each circle were a few objects, simple items meant to invite reflection and conversation. As I walked around the room, one circle caught my attention. In the center sat a small deck of cards. On the cover of the box was a phrase I had heard twice in less than a week: Rest is Resistance. That phrase stayed with me throughout the conference.

In organizations that serve children, youth, and families, the pressure to keep going is constant. The work is meaningful and important, but it can also be emotionally demanding. Staff often move quickly from one responsibility to the next, responding to urgent needs and difficult situations. In that kind of environment, rest can feel like a luxury.

But restorative practices remind us of something important: people cannot care for others when their own systems are constantly operating in survival mode. Rest isn’t about disengaging from the work. It is about creating the conditions that allow people to stay present, compassionate, and effective in their work.

The Power of the Circle

Later in the conference, I joined a circle discussion focused on self-care.

The Circle Keeper, the facilitator, guided us through a simple but powerful activity. Instead of asking participants to name an emotion directly, she invited us to associate our emotions with plants or animals.

Someone feeling sad might describe themselves as a Weeping Willow.
Someone who feels tired might say they are an Owl.

Some participants found themselves identifying with more than one. The activity created a space where people could acknowledge how they were feeling without pressure or judgment. Within minutes, the circle felt more connected. What struck me about this activity was how quickly it helped people access their emotions in a safe and creative way.

In many workplaces, staff are expected to move quickly from one task to the next without ever pausing to name how they are actually feeling. Yet the emotional weight of the work does not simply disappear. Restorative practices create moments of pause. They allow people to reflect, reconnect, and listen to one another. Those moments matter more than we sometimes realize.

Restorative Practices Are Not Only for Resolving Conflict

Many people associate restorative practices with responding to harm or repairing relationships after conflict. But restorative approaches can also be used proactively to support wellbeing within organizations.

Leaders can use restorative methods to:

  • create space for reflection and conversation
  • support staff in processing difficult experiences
  • strengthen trust and psychological safety
  • build a culture where people feel heard and valued

When people have opportunities to slow down and reconnect with one another, the work becomes more sustainable. This is especially important in organizations where the emotional demands of the work can be high. When the adults in a system feel supported and connected, they are better able to respond with patience, empathy, and creativity.

Strengths as a Source of Resilience

Another key aspect of restorative self-care is understanding our strengths. One of my strengths from the CliftonStrengths assessment is Learner. I enjoy the process of learning, and one of my core values is a love of learning. When I lean into that strength, self-care often looks simple: sitting outside with a book and taking the time to explore a new idea. 

Strengths matter because they remind us that self-care doesn’t have to look the same for everyone. What restores one person may not restore another. 

In the trainings I facilitate, participants reflect on how their strengths have helped them through tough moments. Whether someone’s strength is building relationships, executing projects, thinking strategically, or influencing others, these talents can become sources of resilience. 

When leaders take the time to help staff recognize and use their strengths, it creates a positive environment where everyone can thrive. This not only supports individual well-being but also strengthens the entire team’s resilience.

Moving Self-Care from Individuals to Systems

Self-care is often seen as an individual duty. We encourage people to take breaks, go for walks, or set healthier boundaries. While these practices can help, they are only part of the whole picture. In organizations serving children, youth, and families, leaders play a critical role in creating conditions that support healing.

Restorative leadership asks questions such as:

  • Where do staff have space to pause and reflect?
  • How are people supported after emotionally difficult situations?
  • How do teams reconnect after challenging experiences?
  • How are strengths recognized and used within the organization?

When leaders intentionally create spaces for reflection and connection, self-care becomes supported by the organization’s culture, not something individuals must manage on their own.

A Small Step Toward Restoration

If you are thinking about your own self-care or your team’s well-being, start small.

Consider one area of wellbeing you would like to strengthen: physical, emotional, social, environmental, mental, spiritual, intellectual, or financial.

Then ask yourself: What is one small action that could support restoration?

It might be a short walk during the day.
A moment of quiet reflection.
A conversation with a colleague.
Or simply creating a few minutes of pause between meetings.

Small practices can have a powerful impact over time.

Creating Cultures of Care

Your work always requires energy, commitment, and compassion. Restorative leadership reminds us that care and recovery must go hand in hand with the work. When leaders create space for reflection, connection, and strengths-based support, self-care becomes more than just an individual practice; it becomes part of the organization’s culture. And when the adults in a system are supported and renewed, the children and families they serve benefit the most. 

Through Wildewood Learning, I work with organizations that serve children, youth, and families to develop trauma-informed, strength-based leadership practices that foster cultures supporting both staff well-being and effective service. If your organization is looking for ways to incorporate restorative practices and build resilience within your teams, I’d love to connect.

How a County Social Service Agency Strengthened the Skills of Its Staff to Increase Resilience

This is the second case study I will share, illustrating Wildewood Learning’s partnerships with schools and organizations that serve families and children, with a focus on trauma-informed, strength-based interventions. The first case study was with a school district in northwestern Minnesota. You can read about it here. 

The social services agency, located in a small county in northwestern Minnesota, took a proactive approach to staff development. The staff, comprising approximately 20 people, provided and implemented social service programs for the 4,000 residents in the county. Wildewood Learning provided training to the staff over the course of 9 months through three targeted training sessions.

Challenge

The staff members were often disconnected in their work relationships. It was the fall of 2022, and some staff members had not yet returned to the office, while others were on a rotating schedule. There was a strong need to bring everyone together in the agency. Additionally, staff struggled to understand client needs and behaviors. However, through the training, they gained a more compassionate lens in understanding the effects of trauma, leading to a significant shift in their approach.

Solution

In a collaborative effort between Rural Minnesota CEP (Concentrated Employment Program) and the local social services agency, they hired Wildewood Learning (Kathryn Magnusson) to facilitate a Strengths in Action training using the Clifton StrengthsFinder Assessment with CEP and County staff. The training session enabled the staff to come together and create a shared experience, learning about one another’s strengths. 

The positive results led to two additional trainings: one on Trauma-Sensitive Communities, so that all staff, from reception personnel to the director, had a basic understanding of trauma, its effects, and how to create resilience. 

The third training was on the topic of Increasing Optimism. The goal of this training session was to create a positive atmosphere within the workplace, which would, in turn, enhance relationships with colleagues and clients. 

Results

After the three sessions, I sat down with the director to ask how the training had affected the staff.

  • Increased staff positivity and energy: The director noted that the training provided a much-needed “shot of positivity,” helping staff shift their mindset at work. The agency’s commitment to fostering a positive workplace culture was evident in the staff’s increased energy and improved outlook, which were seen as meaningful wins in maintaining a healthier workplace culture.
  • Improved team cohesion: She emphasized the importance of bringing her staff together. By participating in activities as a group, staff had the opportunity to collaborate, connect across departments, and “rub elbows with each other.” The sessions strengthened relationships and reduced feelings of isolation between teams.
  • Shared learning experience: Rather than sending one or two staff to outside trainings, the agency found greater benefit in having all staff learn together. The director observed that when “we’re all in the same room, listening to the same person,” the training messages carried further and were more consistent across the organization.
  • Support for leadership development: The director also highlighted her own growth, noting that bringing training in-house aligned with her annual leadership goals. Hosting ongoing staff development was seen not only as beneficial for the team but also as part of building her capacity as an agency leader.

“These trainings have given my staff the positivity and energy they need to face tough work. When we’re all in the same room, learning together, it builds stronger connections and helps us support each other. Bringing this training in-house has been one of the best ways to invest in my team’s well-being and growth.” 

Amy Ballard, Director, Lake of the Woods Social Services

The work done in collaboration with Wildewood Learning supports the social service director in her goals of creating a positive workplace atmosphere, acknowledging the strengths of the staff, and also creating empathy for clients and colleagues. 

Wildewood Learning offers customized professional development, consulting, and tools to support workplaces in becoming trauma-informed and strength-based places where people thrive. Let’s connect to discuss how we can support your staff, strengthen relationships, and help you achieve your leadership goals for your organization. Connect with Wildewood Learning today!

There is No Magic Wand

There is a hard truth in life – There is No Magic Wand. 

However, humans are looking for the easy way out, the magic wand. You may look for what will make you feel better: the piece of cake, avoiding the workout, not taking the time to sit in silence, or keeping scrolling.

There is no single piece of advice or information I share on my blog that will improve your wellbeing; that is why I share many ways to enhance your wellness. 

This past month, I joined a weight loss group. I joined the group for several reasons, mostly to feel better about my body, increase my muscle mass, and potentially lose some weight. I also wanted accountability since I had been losing weight but had plateaued. I needed some help.

I am in week 2 of the program, and it’s not easy. In fact, it is very challenging. Then last week, my weight went in the wrong direction—UGGH!! I calmed myself down and reached out to my coach to ask about the increase. She gave me several valid reasons why my weight would have gone up, and none of them had to do with me not following the program. 

Here is the change in me!! 

  1. I calmed myself down and found a place within myself where I didn’t feel emotionally triggered by the number I saw on the scale.
  2. I reached out for help.
  3. I didn’t give up.

In the past, the number on the scale would have triggered me not to weigh myself for months. Then, I would just give up and tell myself that it’s my genetic (I have a disposition to a particular body type) or that no matter what I do, I can’t lose the pounds. 

I attribute my perseverance and changed reactions to my well-being practices. The short routine, mindsets, and tools I establish in the mornings set my mind in the “right” place. You can hear me talk about my morning routine here. 

Improving our well-being is hard work. Researchers have found an adaptation called hedonic adaptation in humans. This adaptation is the tendency to return to a set point after emotional changes. Because of this adaptation, our perception of happiness or sadness won’t last long. 

This adaptation is good because it lets us know that when a sad event happens, the sadness will not last forever. However, this is also why when you buy that new car you have been saving for, and you feel joy, the joy doesn’t last forever. It wears off, and we are on to the next emotional high without awareness of our feelings. 

Researchers have noticed that we go back to the emotional set point much more quickly after a positive event than after major events that are uncomfortable and cause loss, like losing a loved one or a job. 

To raise our emotional set point, we need to actively take care of ourselves. We need to find the tools, routines, and mindsets that help us ride and navigate the waves of change in our lives. These well-being practices are a powerful act of self-care that empowers us to face life’s challenges. 

Try this:

  1. What is one wellbeing tool, mindset, or routine you would like to practice this week? Pick something small, like watching a sunrise in silence, going for a 10-minute walk outside, or intentionally focusing on a positive event at the end of the day.
  2. When will you do this action? Set a reminder or put it in your calendar.
  3. Each time you do your chosen action, congratulate yourself with a pat on the back or a mental “way to go!”

When you start to practice wellbeing for yourself, there will be ups and downs. Remember that there is no magic wand for change; however, you are the magic to create change, starting with yourself.

The High Cost of Trauma

“Trauma: I don’t have any trauma in my life! I came from a good family with supportive parents, had a roof over my head, and food on the table. My life is great! So why do I need to be aware of the effects of trauma on me?”

These are the thoughts I had before learning about the effects of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and Secondary Traumatic Stress on a person. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. In childhood, I did have supportive parents, a roof over my head, and food on the table. However, as a child, my weight was a great source of bullying, which led me down the road of starting to diet in 8th grade, leading to my struggles with body image.  

In my adult life, my husband and I adopted children from foster care. We had a big house and lots of love in our hearts to open our home to a sibling group. This experience is how I learned about secondary traumatic stress. 

Secondary traumatic stress is a psychological condition when a person is exposed to the traumatic experiences of another person. Our children had experienced multiple losses and chronic stress in their short lives. Those past losses and stressors showed up in challenging behaviors I didn’t understand, creating a lot of stress for my husband and me. 

My journey has opened my eyes to the pervasive nature of trauma.

The trauma of the past doesn’t leave our systems; it doesn’t magically disappear. Without deeper examination and taking responsibility for our well-being, our trauma shows up in so many different ways, especially in workplaces that don’t feel psychologically safe. 

The Campaign for Trauma-Informed Policy and Practices has estimated that the cost of an unsafe workplace can reduce productivity by up to 20%, and replacing an employee who leaves the organization can cost up to $25,000 to that organization. In recent years, I have known many veteran educators and non-profit staff who have left an organization or school due to a toxic workplace. Think of the years of experience, professional development, and expertise an organization puts into that person walking out the door.  

Plus, there are the healthcare impacts of an unsafe workplace culture. More sick days are taken, higher levels of burnout, and more significant claims to health insurance. These financial and healthcare implications should serve as a wake-up call to the importance of addressing trauma in the workplace.

Did you know:

70% of adults have experienced at least one traumatic event

20% have four or more ACEs and

5% have been diagnosed with PTSD or Complex PTSD

I can go on with the statistics; however, I think you get the picture. People come with trauma and chronic stress from their lives in to the workplace. That trauma and stress can’t just be left at the door. When the workplace culture feels unsafe to them, they react. 

What might the reactions look like? Here are a few indicators,

  • Overly sensitive to feedback
  • Regularly calling in sick
  • Working extremely long hours that leads to burnout
  • Hard time making decisions
  • Complaining about everything

What can you do to create a workplace that feels safe?

  • Awareness is the first step. Leadership needs to acknowledge the losses through the impact of trauma, chronic stress, and unsafe workplace culture.
  • Create a safe environment where employees feel heard and seen through the organizations’ routines, protocols, and policies.
  • Connection and communication is key throughout the organization. 
  • Leaders are role models for their staff in the need for well-being practices. These practices can shift a situation’s energy from shame and blame to curiosity and understanding.
  • Shifting the conversation from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What’s happened to you?” to “What’s right with you?” 

These shifts in the workplace must be accompanied by personal responsibility. When each individual in the system recognizes their role and commits to growing in self-awareness, alongside the changes from leadership, the workplace can transform from a toxic environment to one of purpose and enjoyment. 
Check out the other resources on the Wildewood Learning blog to grow your knowledge in trauma-informed resiliency practices for organizations and schools.