Boundaries: The Key to Sustainable Connection in the Workplace

There once was a leader who cared very deeply for her staff. Let’s call her Kay. Now, Kay was a competent leader with many years of experience under her belt. She went out of her way to go above and beyond for her staff and the families and children they served. You could see in the way she checked in with her staff, stepped in when things got tough, and stayed late to ensure everything was covered. Kay wanted her staff to feel supported and connected. 

Most days, Kay would arrive early to work and be the first one through the office door. She would pause whatever she was doing to listen to a staff member’s concerns and stay up late following up on emails and work-related tasks. 

When a staff member felt overwhelmed, Kay stepped in and took something off their plate. When there was tension in the office, Kay worked to smooth it out. Kay had a very long “to-do” list that never stopped, and she truly maintained an open-door policy. 

She wanted to create a positive connection with her staff, but over time, something began to shift.

Kay felt exhausted most of the time and slept very little. She felt responsible for everyone — staff, clients, families, her own family — and the responsibilities didn’t seem to end.

The more Kay gave, the more people expected her to pick up the pieces. 

She loves to get outdoors and walk, but seems to have little time for it. When she does have time away from work, she spends it with her family, which leaves very little or no time for herself. 

Kay didn’t set clear boundaries, and if she continues on this path, she will burn out.

Does Kay sound familiar?  

In some respects, I was a “Kay”. I struggled to set my boundaries, and it wasn’t a skill that came naturally to me; it was one I had to practice. 

“Kay” is someone I often see helping organizations. Leaders who care deeply about their teams and the people they serve, and who, often without realizing it, take on more in the name of caring. But here is the truth:

Leaders don’t create a healthy workplace culture by doing everything. 

They create it by modeling what is sustainable.

When leaders practice setting clear, kind, and consistent boundaries, they build trust and safety, helping staff feel secure and supported.

A Trauma-Informed Lens: Boundaries Create Safety

One of the key pillars of my framework is safety. Safety is essential for creating a healthy workplace.

When boundaries are clear:

People know what to expect.

Stress levels are lower.

Trust increases due to consistency.

These are trauma-informed principles that help staff feel safer at work. They also apply to staff working with families and children.

Leaders who fail to model boundaries often unintentionally foster cultures where overgiving becomes the norm. Staff may start to think that being “helpful” means saying yes to everything, even if it harms their own well-being.

What do healthy boundaries look and sound like?

Healthy boundaries involve being clear about what we can and cannot handle while maintaining a relationship. For example, if Kay needed to set a boundary with a staff member who kept coming into her office to ask questions, she might say: “I want to support you, and I can talk for 5 minutes. I am not able to take this on today. Would you be willing to talk to me about the situation tomorrow morning?” This response is clear and kind, and Kay may need to repeat it to the staff member more than once. 

Keeping the Boundary

Setting a boundary is just the first step. Keeping it is where the real work happens. 

People often unintentionally test your boundaries. When this happens, you might fall back into old habits by giving in, over-explaining, or saying yes when you really want to say no. Sometimes you’re unaware of your boundaries until they are crossed. If a situation makes you feel uncomfortable, guilty, frustrated, or resentful, then a boundary might have been crossed. 

Instead of defaulting to your old behaviors, I suggest a simple RESET.

Regulate your nervous system by practicing the pause.

Empathize with the person by acknowledging their feelings

State your boundary clearly and kindly to them

Enforce the boundary by keeping it short, 1-2 sentences, restating it if needed

Take care of yourself; you are not responsible for the other person’s reaction

Consistency, not perfection, is what builds trust. 

Leaders Create the Culture

In my view, leaders are you! It doesn’t matter if you are an administrator, director, classroom teacher, social worker, home daycare provider, or anyone else who serves families and children. Your relationship with boundaries sets the tone for the staff, families, or children you interact with daily. 

When a leader takes on too much responsibility, responds at all hours, or avoids setting limits, it sends a message of “This is what’s expected here.” However, when a leader clearly states their limits, asks for help, or reinforces a boundary with care, it fosters a culture where people can engage without burning out. It’s a small change that can make a big difference. 

Ready to Practice?

If you’re looking for simple, practical language you can use right away, download my Trauma-Informed Boundary Scripts Handout to support conversations with colleagues and clients.

Well-being Is More Than Individual Resilience

Last spring, I attended a Restorative Justice Program conference with practitioners and youth from across the state. Almost immediately, I noticed something different about this conference compared to others I’ve attended.

As I walked into the opening session, the room was arranged in five large circles of chairs. The host greeted us and said, “Choose the circle that speaks to you.”

In the center of each circle were a few objects, simple items meant to invite reflection and conversation. As I walked around the room, one circle caught my attention. In the center sat a small deck of cards. On the cover of the box was a phrase I had heard twice in less than a week: Rest is Resistance. That phrase stayed with me throughout the conference.

In organizations that serve children, youth, and families, the pressure to keep going is constant. The work is meaningful and important, but it can also be emotionally demanding. Staff often move quickly from one responsibility to the next, responding to urgent needs and difficult situations. In that kind of environment, rest can feel like a luxury.

But restorative practices remind us of something important: people cannot care for others when their own systems are constantly operating in survival mode. Rest isn’t about disengaging from the work. It is about creating the conditions that allow people to stay present, compassionate, and effective in their work.

The Power of the Circle

Later in the conference, I joined a circle discussion focused on self-care.

The Circle Keeper, the facilitator, guided us through a simple but powerful activity. Instead of asking participants to name an emotion directly, she invited us to associate our emotions with plants or animals.

Someone feeling sad might describe themselves as a Weeping Willow.
Someone who feels tired might say they are an Owl.

Some participants found themselves identifying with more than one. The activity created a space where people could acknowledge how they were feeling without pressure or judgment. Within minutes, the circle felt more connected. What struck me about this activity was how quickly it helped people access their emotions in a safe and creative way.

In many workplaces, staff are expected to move quickly from one task to the next without ever pausing to name how they are actually feeling. Yet the emotional weight of the work does not simply disappear. Restorative practices create moments of pause. They allow people to reflect, reconnect, and listen to one another. Those moments matter more than we sometimes realize.

Restorative Practices Are Not Only for Resolving Conflict

Many people associate restorative practices with responding to harm or repairing relationships after conflict. But restorative approaches can also be used proactively to support wellbeing within organizations.

Leaders can use restorative methods to:

  • create space for reflection and conversation
  • support staff in processing difficult experiences
  • strengthen trust and psychological safety
  • build a culture where people feel heard and valued

When people have opportunities to slow down and reconnect with one another, the work becomes more sustainable. This is especially important in organizations where the emotional demands of the work can be high. When the adults in a system feel supported and connected, they are better able to respond with patience, empathy, and creativity.

Strengths as a Source of Resilience

Another key aspect of restorative self-care is understanding our strengths. One of my strengths from the CliftonStrengths assessment is Learner. I enjoy the process of learning, and one of my core values is a love of learning. When I lean into that strength, self-care often looks simple: sitting outside with a book and taking the time to explore a new idea. 

Strengths matter because they remind us that self-care doesn’t have to look the same for everyone. What restores one person may not restore another. 

In the trainings I facilitate, participants reflect on how their strengths have helped them through tough moments. Whether someone’s strength is building relationships, executing projects, thinking strategically, or influencing others, these talents can become sources of resilience. 

When leaders take the time to help staff recognize and use their strengths, it creates a positive environment where everyone can thrive. This not only supports individual well-being but also strengthens the entire team’s resilience.

Moving Self-Care from Individuals to Systems

Self-care is often seen as an individual duty. We encourage people to take breaks, go for walks, or set healthier boundaries. While these practices can help, they are only part of the whole picture. In organizations serving children, youth, and families, leaders play a critical role in creating conditions that support healing.

Restorative leadership asks questions such as:

  • Where do staff have space to pause and reflect?
  • How are people supported after emotionally difficult situations?
  • How do teams reconnect after challenging experiences?
  • How are strengths recognized and used within the organization?

When leaders intentionally create spaces for reflection and connection, self-care becomes supported by the organization’s culture, not something individuals must manage on their own.

A Small Step Toward Restoration

If you are thinking about your own self-care or your team’s well-being, start small.

Consider one area of wellbeing you would like to strengthen: physical, emotional, social, environmental, mental, spiritual, intellectual, or financial.

Then ask yourself: What is one small action that could support restoration?

It might be a short walk during the day.
A moment of quiet reflection.
A conversation with a colleague.
Or simply creating a few minutes of pause between meetings.

Small practices can have a powerful impact over time.

Creating Cultures of Care

Your work always requires energy, commitment, and compassion. Restorative leadership reminds us that care and recovery must go hand in hand with the work. When leaders create space for reflection, connection, and strengths-based support, self-care becomes more than just an individual practice; it becomes part of the organization’s culture. And when the adults in a system are supported and renewed, the children and families they serve benefit the most. 

Through Wildewood Learning, I work with organizations that serve children, youth, and families to develop trauma-informed, strength-based leadership practices that foster cultures supporting both staff well-being and effective service. If your organization is looking for ways to incorporate restorative practices and build resilience within your teams, I’d love to connect.

Doing Your Best: The Leadership Practice That Changes Everything

Why caring leadership matters in organizations serving children, youth, and families

One of my favorite quotes from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is:

“Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.”

I often think about this idea when I’m working with leaders in organizations that serve families and youth.

What does it really mean to do your best as a leader?

In high-stress environments like schools, social service agencies, childcare organizations, and youth programs, the pressure to do more is constant. Leaders are responsible for staff, programs, outcomes, and the well-being of the people they serve. When challenges arise, and they always do, it can feel like the only solution is to push harder.

But doing your best isn’t about doing more. Doing your best begins with awareness.

The Agreement That Holds Everything Together

In The Four Agreements, Ruiz offers four guiding principles:

  • Be impeccable with your word
  • Don’t take anything personally
  • Don’t make assumptions
  • Always do your best

The fourth agreement, Always Do Your Best, holds the others together.

It reminds us that our capacity varies throughout the day and across different seasons of life. Our best when rested and supported will differ from our best when overwhelmed or depleted. For leaders, recognizing this truth is powerful. It encourages us to replace judgment with curiosity and compassion.

Instead of asking:

“Why aren’t people doing more?”

Caring leaders begin asking:

“What is happening for my staff right now, and how can I support them?”

Leadership Sets the Emotional Tone

Organizations that serve children, youth, and families operate in emotionally demanding environments. Staff regularly face trauma, crises, and complex human needs. When the adults in these systems become overwhelmed or burned out, it becomes much harder to respond with patience, empathy, and creativity.

Stress is contagious in organizations. But so is regulation.

Leaders play an essential role in shaping the emotional atmosphere of their workplace. To do this effectively, they need practical methods to evaluate staff well-being and emotional states. When leaders demonstrate awareness, pause before reacting, and approach challenges with curiosity rather than blame, they foster conditions in which staff can stay grounded during tough moments.

This is what caring leadership looks like in practice.

It’s not about having all the answers.
It’s about creating a culture where people feel supported enough to keep showing up for the important work they do.

Burnout Is a Signal, Not a Personal Failure

Burnout in helping professions remains a serious issue. Educators, social workers, childcare providers, and youth-serving professionals consistently report high stress levels and emotional exhaustion. While resilience skills are important for individuals, burnout often signals problems within the system they work in. 

Caring leaders recognize that supporting staff wellbeing isn’t a luxury; it’s vital. By creating environments that foster reflection, collaboration, and emotional awareness, they help staff stay connected to the purpose behind their work. When staff feel supported, they can better support others.

What Caring Leaders Do Differently

Caring leadership often shows up in small, everyday actions.

Caring leaders:

• Pause before reacting during stressful moments
• Listen with curiosity instead of jumping to solutions
• Recognize strengths in their staff and encourage collaboration
• Acknowledge the emotional weight of the work
• Reinforce hope and possibility when challenges arise

These practices help staff shift from feeling overwhelmed to feeling capable and connected.

When people feel seen and supported, their ability to do their best expands.

Training That Made a Difference

One social service agency director I worked with wanted to strengthen collaboration and support among her staff. The work they were doing was meaningful, but the emotional demands were high, and stress was beginning to affect morale.

Together, we created training that helped staff:

  • recognize their individual strengths
  • better understand trauma-informed practices
  • develop small strategies for staying grounded during challenging interactions

Over time, staff began communicating more openly across departments and supporting one another in new ways. They reported feeling more connected to their work and more hopeful about their impact.

Most importantly, this shift allowed them to serve families in their community with greater patience, compassion, and consistency.

Doing Your Best as a Leader

For leaders in organizations serving children and families, doing your best doesn’t mean pushing harder or expecting more from already stretched staff. Doing your best means paying attention. It involves recognizing when stress is building and choosing to respond with awareness instead of urgency. It means creating workplaces where people feel safe enough to ask for help, reflect, and learn together.

When leaders practice awareness, compassion, and emotional agility, they foster conditions in which everyone in the organization can do their best, even on the toughest days. And when the adults in a system are supported and regulated, the children and families they serve see the greatest benefits.

A Question for Leaders

If you lead a team serving children, youth, or families, consider this:

What helps the people in your organization do their best?

Not just when things are going well, but when the work is hard, emotions are high, and stress is present.

Caring leadership begins with that question.

At Wildewood Learning, I work with organizations that serve children, youth, and families to help leaders build cultures of care, resilience, and belonging.

Through training and consulting, I help leaders:

• strengthen trauma-informed leadership practices
• support staff wellbeing and regulation
• build strength-based collaboration across teams
• create environments where both staff and the people they serve can thrive

If your organization is ready to strengthen caring leadership and reduce burnout, I’d love to connect.