Well-being Is More Than Individual Resilience

Last spring, I attended a Restorative Justice Program conference with practitioners and youth from across the state. Almost immediately, I noticed something different about this conference compared to others I’ve attended.

As I walked into the opening session, the room was arranged in five large circles of chairs. The host greeted us and said, “Choose the circle that speaks to you.”

In the center of each circle were a few objects, simple items meant to invite reflection and conversation. As I walked around the room, one circle caught my attention. In the center sat a small deck of cards. On the cover of the box was a phrase I had heard twice in less than a week: Rest is Resistance. That phrase stayed with me throughout the conference.

In organizations that serve children, youth, and families, the pressure to keep going is constant. The work is meaningful and important, but it can also be emotionally demanding. Staff often move quickly from one responsibility to the next, responding to urgent needs and difficult situations. In that kind of environment, rest can feel like a luxury.

But restorative practices remind us of something important: people cannot care for others when their own systems are constantly operating in survival mode. Rest isn’t about disengaging from the work. It is about creating the conditions that allow people to stay present, compassionate, and effective in their work.

The Power of the Circle

Later in the conference, I joined a circle discussion focused on self-care.

The Circle Keeper, the facilitator, guided us through a simple but powerful activity. Instead of asking participants to name an emotion directly, she invited us to associate our emotions with plants or animals.

Someone feeling sad might describe themselves as a Weeping Willow.
Someone who feels tired might say they are an Owl.

Some participants found themselves identifying with more than one. The activity created a space where people could acknowledge how they were feeling without pressure or judgment. Within minutes, the circle felt more connected. What struck me about this activity was how quickly it helped people access their emotions in a safe and creative way.

In many workplaces, staff are expected to move quickly from one task to the next without ever pausing to name how they are actually feeling. Yet the emotional weight of the work does not simply disappear. Restorative practices create moments of pause. They allow people to reflect, reconnect, and listen to one another. Those moments matter more than we sometimes realize.

Restorative Practices Are Not Only for Resolving Conflict

Many people associate restorative practices with responding to harm or repairing relationships after conflict. But restorative approaches can also be used proactively to support wellbeing within organizations.

Leaders can use restorative methods to:

  • create space for reflection and conversation
  • support staff in processing difficult experiences
  • strengthen trust and psychological safety
  • build a culture where people feel heard and valued

When people have opportunities to slow down and reconnect with one another, the work becomes more sustainable. This is especially important in organizations where the emotional demands of the work can be high. When the adults in a system feel supported and connected, they are better able to respond with patience, empathy, and creativity.

Strengths as a Source of Resilience

Another key aspect of restorative self-care is understanding our strengths. One of my strengths from the CliftonStrengths assessment is Learner. I enjoy the process of learning, and one of my core values is a love of learning. When I lean into that strength, self-care often looks simple: sitting outside with a book and taking the time to explore a new idea. 

Strengths matter because they remind us that self-care doesn’t have to look the same for everyone. What restores one person may not restore another. 

In the trainings I facilitate, participants reflect on how their strengths have helped them through tough moments. Whether someone’s strength is building relationships, executing projects, thinking strategically, or influencing others, these talents can become sources of resilience. 

When leaders take the time to help staff recognize and use their strengths, it creates a positive environment where everyone can thrive. This not only supports individual well-being but also strengthens the entire team’s resilience.

Moving Self-Care from Individuals to Systems

Self-care is often seen as an individual duty. We encourage people to take breaks, go for walks, or set healthier boundaries. While these practices can help, they are only part of the whole picture. In organizations serving children, youth, and families, leaders play a critical role in creating conditions that support healing.

Restorative leadership asks questions such as:

  • Where do staff have space to pause and reflect?
  • How are people supported after emotionally difficult situations?
  • How do teams reconnect after challenging experiences?
  • How are strengths recognized and used within the organization?

When leaders intentionally create spaces for reflection and connection, self-care becomes supported by the organization’s culture, not something individuals must manage on their own.

A Small Step Toward Restoration

If you are thinking about your own self-care or your team’s well-being, start small.

Consider one area of wellbeing you would like to strengthen: physical, emotional, social, environmental, mental, spiritual, intellectual, or financial.

Then ask yourself: What is one small action that could support restoration?

It might be a short walk during the day.
A moment of quiet reflection.
A conversation with a colleague.
Or simply creating a few minutes of pause between meetings.

Small practices can have a powerful impact over time.

Creating Cultures of Care

Your work always requires energy, commitment, and compassion. Restorative leadership reminds us that care and recovery must go hand in hand with the work. When leaders create space for reflection, connection, and strengths-based support, self-care becomes more than just an individual practice; it becomes part of the organization’s culture. And when the adults in a system are supported and renewed, the children and families they serve benefit the most. 

Through Wildewood Learning, I work with organizations that serve children, youth, and families to develop trauma-informed, strength-based leadership practices that foster cultures supporting both staff well-being and effective service. If your organization is looking for ways to incorporate restorative practices and build resilience within your teams, I’d love to connect.

Doing Your Best: The Leadership Practice That Changes Everything

Why caring leadership matters in organizations serving children, youth, and families

One of my favorite quotes from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is:

“Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.”

I often think about this idea when I’m working with leaders in organizations that serve families and youth.

What does it really mean to do your best as a leader?

In high-stress environments like schools, social service agencies, childcare organizations, and youth programs, the pressure to do more is constant. Leaders are responsible for staff, programs, outcomes, and the well-being of the people they serve. When challenges arise, and they always do, it can feel like the only solution is to push harder.

But doing your best isn’t about doing more. Doing your best begins with awareness.

The Agreement That Holds Everything Together

In The Four Agreements, Ruiz offers four guiding principles:

  • Be impeccable with your word
  • Don’t take anything personally
  • Don’t make assumptions
  • Always do your best

The fourth agreement, Always Do Your Best, holds the others together.

It reminds us that our capacity varies throughout the day and across different seasons of life. Our best when rested and supported will differ from our best when overwhelmed or depleted. For leaders, recognizing this truth is powerful. It encourages us to replace judgment with curiosity and compassion.

Instead of asking:

“Why aren’t people doing more?”

Caring leaders begin asking:

“What is happening for my staff right now, and how can I support them?”

Leadership Sets the Emotional Tone

Organizations that serve children, youth, and families operate in emotionally demanding environments. Staff regularly face trauma, crises, and complex human needs. When the adults in these systems become overwhelmed or burned out, it becomes much harder to respond with patience, empathy, and creativity.

Stress is contagious in organizations. But so is regulation.

Leaders play an essential role in shaping the emotional atmosphere of their workplace. To do this effectively, they need practical methods to evaluate staff well-being and emotional states. When leaders demonstrate awareness, pause before reacting, and approach challenges with curiosity rather than blame, they foster conditions in which staff can stay grounded during tough moments.

This is what caring leadership looks like in practice.

It’s not about having all the answers.
It’s about creating a culture where people feel supported enough to keep showing up for the important work they do.

Burnout Is a Signal, Not a Personal Failure

Burnout in helping professions remains a serious issue. Educators, social workers, childcare providers, and youth-serving professionals consistently report high stress levels and emotional exhaustion. While resilience skills are important for individuals, burnout often signals problems within the system they work in. 

Caring leaders recognize that supporting staff wellbeing isn’t a luxury; it’s vital. By creating environments that foster reflection, collaboration, and emotional awareness, they help staff stay connected to the purpose behind their work. When staff feel supported, they can better support others.

What Caring Leaders Do Differently

Caring leadership often shows up in small, everyday actions.

Caring leaders:

• Pause before reacting during stressful moments
• Listen with curiosity instead of jumping to solutions
• Recognize strengths in their staff and encourage collaboration
• Acknowledge the emotional weight of the work
• Reinforce hope and possibility when challenges arise

These practices help staff shift from feeling overwhelmed to feeling capable and connected.

When people feel seen and supported, their ability to do their best expands.

Training That Made a Difference

One social service agency director I worked with wanted to strengthen collaboration and support among her staff. The work they were doing was meaningful, but the emotional demands were high, and stress was beginning to affect morale.

Together, we created training that helped staff:

  • recognize their individual strengths
  • better understand trauma-informed practices
  • develop small strategies for staying grounded during challenging interactions

Over time, staff began communicating more openly across departments and supporting one another in new ways. They reported feeling more connected to their work and more hopeful about their impact.

Most importantly, this shift allowed them to serve families in their community with greater patience, compassion, and consistency.

Doing Your Best as a Leader

For leaders in organizations serving children and families, doing your best doesn’t mean pushing harder or expecting more from already stretched staff. Doing your best means paying attention. It involves recognizing when stress is building and choosing to respond with awareness instead of urgency. It means creating workplaces where people feel safe enough to ask for help, reflect, and learn together.

When leaders practice awareness, compassion, and emotional agility, they foster conditions in which everyone in the organization can do their best, even on the toughest days. And when the adults in a system are supported and regulated, the children and families they serve see the greatest benefits.

A Question for Leaders

If you lead a team serving children, youth, or families, consider this:

What helps the people in your organization do their best?

Not just when things are going well, but when the work is hard, emotions are high, and stress is present.

Caring leadership begins with that question.

At Wildewood Learning, I work with organizations that serve children, youth, and families to help leaders build cultures of care, resilience, and belonging.

Through training and consulting, I help leaders:

• strengthen trauma-informed leadership practices
• support staff wellbeing and regulation
• build strength-based collaboration across teams
• create environments where both staff and the people they serve can thrive

If your organization is ready to strengthen caring leadership and reduce burnout, I’d love to connect.

Strong Ground [Review]

“Let’s try a little experiment,” I said to myself this past December.

I have been dabbling with experiments in my life, a short-term thing I want to try. I did a little experiment with not watching or reading the news for two weeks. Honestly, I felt so calm and not like the world was on fire all the time that I continue to limit my news intake. 

Then I did a little social media experiment: I wasn’t on Facebook for a month. Again, it was a great feeling to be free of the burden of social media, so I took the apps off my phone. Now I only use Facebook and Instagram on my computer for a short time, every few days.

My latest experiment was to have a book club. Starting a book club was very self-serving. I wanted to read Brené Brown’s new book, Strong Ground, and I knew I wouldn’t get through it without accountability. I started a book club as a little experiment. It has worked for me. We had our book club discussion about Strong Ground, and I had 8 other women leaders read it with me. There was a chat group where I posted a question or two each week, and others, along with myself, posted their a-ha moments from the reading. 

In this post, I am sharing a few of my insights from reading Strong Ground.

The Dare to Lead Podcast

Brené Brown is one of my favorite leadership thought leaders and researchers. I have read several of her books and use her materials in my trainings. I also listen to her podcasts Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead. Brown was a consistent podcaster and started the Dare to Lead podcast in October, 2020. Then, at the end of 2022, she took a 16-month break, had a few interviews in the spring of 2024, and then nothing until last fall. 

“YES!” I shouted as a Dare to Lead podcast episode dropped last fall. It was a 9-episode series about her new book, “Strong Ground: The Lessons of Daring Leadership, the Tenacity of Paradox and the Wisdom of the Human Spirit,” which offers valuable leadership lessons. Six episodes featured Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist, and the engaging conversations between Brown and Grant provided practical insights into leadership challenges. Listening to these episodes can give you a taste of the book’s leadership concepts and inspire your own growth. 

Short Review of Strong Ground

Strong Ground is an almost 400-page read that packs in so much on leadership, both self-leadership and organizational leadership. In addition to Brown’s writings, she has guest writers discuss leadership concepts she has integrated into the Dare to Lead framework. I will need to go back through all the highlights in the book to really let it all sink in. However, I would like to discuss three sections I found key topics and tools in the book for me.

  1. The Above the Line/ Below the Line Practice
  2. Grounded Confidence
  3. Locking In and Locking Through

The Above the Line/ Below the Line Practice

Above-the-line and below-the-line practices are not new to me. I learned about the practice twenty years ago during a restorative practices training. The Above the Line/ Below the Line mindset was like digging deep into a dusty box of trinkets that I hadn’t thought about for a while and pulling out a treasure, saying, “Oh! This one I need right now!” 

At its essence, it’s a practice where leaders build self-awareness of their mindset. Are you making decisions and responses from a below-the-line mindset that is all about fear, power over, and being “right”? Or are you making those decisions from above the line in the mindset of curiosity, power with, and open to possibilities? This video from the Conscious Leadership group explains the concept well. It’s all about pausing and recognizing where you are, above or below the line. 

Grounded Confidence

Brown’s definition of a leader is anyone, regardless of title or position, who holds themselves accountable for finding potential in people and ideas, and who has the courage to develop that potential. This inclusive view aims to inspire you to see your own leadership qualities and feel empowered to develop them further.

This section incorporates the skills from Dare to Lead (2018), her additional research from Atlas of the Heart (2021), and the many organizations her company has served. Grounded Confidence accounts for almost a third of the book’s content and is the heart of her research with organizations. Brown defines Grounded Confidence as “is a brand of confidence that is …built on solid ground of self-awareness, courage, and practice. Grounded confidence is the accepting and embracing learning and unlearning, practicing and failing, and at its core is driven by discipline and the joy of mastery.” 

Locking In and Locking Through

There are many skill-sets and mindsets needed for grounded confidence; however, one that stood out to me was the concept of Locking In and Locking Through. She especially writes about locking in and deep focus. In this section, it resonated with me because, to finish the book, I needed deep focus; however, the technology was pulling me away from the focus I needed to reach my goal. I set my phone’s timer and then set it across the room. I told myself I couldn’t touch the phone until the timer went off. It took me half the time to settle myself, and then I sat and read. 

As I read this chapter, what I learned is that your attention is like a flashlight: whenever you point it, it becomes brighter. I only have one flashlight, and on days when I try to shine the light on too many tasks in a short time span, task switching, I will start to lose integrity in any of those tasks. I will become slower, more prone to error, and worn out. As a woman of a certain age, I feel emotionally worn out more than ever on days when I ask too much of my brain by switching tasks. I plan to spend more time blocking out projects where I can have deep, intentional focus without the interruptions of other tasks. 

Brown uses personal narrative, sports metaphors, examples within an organization,  guest writers, poetry, and research to weave together the concepts she shares in the book. In the online discussion among the book club members, some of us felt it led to a disjointed reading experience and a lack of a clear path for where she was going in the book. The disjointed information was mostly at the start of the book. We also had a great discussion about the audio version vs the book. In the audiobook, Brown will go off-script at times and add some additional information. Overall, as leaders in our respective communities, we all felt that there was some value in reading the book. 

I suggest listening to the Dare to Lead podcasts before reading the book to get a feel for the content before diving in. I am happy with the book club experiment and may hold another one later in the year. I will be incorporating the Strong Ground mindsets and tools into my personal work as a leader and in my work with organizations to support them in developing a culture that brings out the best within themselves. If you would like to chat about how I can support your organization in developing a “strong ground” culture, reach out to chat!

Strength-Based Doesn’t Mean Ignoring Problems

When I talk about strength-based approaches in organizations that serve children and families, I sometimes see a familiar reaction.

A slight pause, then a question about what strength-based means.
A raised eyebrow when I explain that it focuses on what is strong in people.
A quiet concern about shoring up others’ weaknesses.

There’s a fear that “strength-based” means we gloss over weaknesses, avoid difficult conversations, or focus so much on what’s going well that we fail to address what isn’t. For professionals carrying heavy responsibility, for children, families, and communities, that concern makes sense.

But a true strength-based approach doesn’t ignore problems; instead, it complements problem-solving by helping us see what’s working, which enhances our capacity to address challenges effectively.

It gives us a better way to face challenges and changes.

What strength-based really means

Being strength-based involves starting from the belief that individuals possess capacities, skills, and values, even during difficult times.

A strength-based approach emphasizes identifying what is working so we can better address what isn’t. In organizations supporting children and families, systemic challenges like stress, trauma, staffing shortages, and emotional demands are common.

A strength-based perspective allows us to acknowledge these issues while focusing on existing resources, helping us tackle systemic problems without ignoring them. Ultimately, this approach helps us shift our perspective to a more balanced view.

Why strengths matter when work is hard

Strengths are not simply rewards for good behavior but serve as a vital resource, especially during difficult times. When people feel recognized for their contributions, they are more likely to stay engaged, accept responsibility, reflect instead of defend, and develop new skills.

This principle applies to both adults and children: a child who perceives themselves as capable is more willing to try again, while a staff member who feels appreciated is more receptive to feedback.

Strength provides the emotional safety essential for learning and growth. Ultimately, strengths help people thrive not because the tasks are easy, but because they carry meaning.

Problems don’t disappear, capacity increases

Strength-based work does not remove challenges. It increases our capacity to address them.

When people are overwhelmed or dysregulated, conversations about performance, behavior, or change often trigger defensiveness or shutdown. A strength-based approach supports regulation by reminding people of their competence and value.

A strength-based approach is about grounding difficult conversations in truth:
• “Here’s what I see you doing well.”
• “Here’s where you’re stuck.”
• “Here’s how we move forward together.”

Regulation makes these conversations possible.

Strength-based is not just individual, it’s systemic

Strength-based cultures don’t rely on individual positivity. They embed strengths into systems by aligning job roles with people’s natural abilities, naming contributions in team meetings, and adopting leadership practices that notice effort, not just outcomes.

When strengths are consistently acknowledged, they become part of the culture. People begin to expect to be seen, not just evaluated.

Ownership of culture matters here. If leaders talk only about strengths but systems reward urgency, compliance, or perfection, the message gets lost. Strength-based practice works when values and systems align, inspiring confidence that systemic change is possible.

Why this matters in work with children and families

For organizations serving children and families, strength-based approaches model the very skills we hope to nurture: resilience, agency, and connection. Children learn who they are through the eyes of the adults around them. Staff do too.

Consistently naming strengths and challenges shows: you matter, you’re capable, and growth is possible. Acknowledging strengths doesn’t make the work lighter, but it makes it sustainable.

Strength-Based Responses in Uncertain Times

When fear is present, people don’t expect perfection from us; they seek steadiness instead.

During uncertain times, a strength-based approach might sound like: “I notice how much you’re still showing up for your child, even when things feel heavy.” “I see your commitment to this community.” “You don’t have to explain everything for me to care.” These moments are significant.

They serve as reminders to families and staff that dignity and humanity are preserved, even under stress. Strength-based practice, especially now, isn’t about minimizing fear but about grounding people in what is reliable when the world seems unstable.

A small action to begin

To introduce a strength-based approach in your organization, begin with small steps.

During your next tough conversation, identify one authentic strength before discussing the challenge. Not as a “sandwich,” but as context. Make the strength specific, genuine, and relevant to the work. Then, address the issue with clarity and compassion.

This small change can significantly influence how the conversation is received and how people react. Strength-based practice is essential for healthy organizations, but must be integrated into a broader ecosystem.

Strengths grow best in soil that includes regulation, psychological safety, aligned systems, and shared ownership of culture. When these elements work together, organizations move beyond survival toward sustainable impact.

If these ideas resonate, this is the heart of the work I bring into organizations through keynotes and trainings. I support teams who serve children and families in building trauma-informed, strength-based cultures that help people stay regulated, connected, and effective, especially during challenging seasons.

This work is not about quick fixes. It’s about cultivating strong ROOTS so organizations can respond with clarity and care when it matters most.
If you’re curious about how this looks in your setting, I’d love to continue the conversation. Email me at Kathy@wildewoodlearning.com to set up a time to talk.