Three Reasons to Find Your Resilience Support Team

This post was originally written in December 2021 and revised on December 3, 2024

This time of the year is for traditions, celebrations, and community. It’s also a time for rest, darkness, and solitude. In some ways, this time of the year is a paradox for me. How can I be both happy and sad at the same time? Can I be in the dark area of my soul and then see the light?

As I have aged, I have felt this paradox more strongly than ever. I see both sides of the story. I want to be with family and friends, yet sometimes I just want to sit on my bed by myself. The paradox is confusing. Life isn’t as cut and dried as we sometimes think it needs to be.

I want you to know that if you feel the season’s push and pull, that is perfect. You are feeling aware and know that most people’s lives are not like the family photo on the Facebook page. 

In the past, I have worked with a small school where I was lucky enough to support staff professional development working on resilience skills. The resource we use is a book written by Elena Aguilar, Onward Cultivating Emotional Resilience in Educators. It is an excellent resource; I used it for three years in a Professional Learning Community with the staff members. 

In 2020, I was part of a statewide Social and Emotional Learning cohort that used Onward as a resource for administrators and leadership. This was at the height of the pandemic, and we found Onward to be an extremely useful resource for us. The leadership team at the small school I served wanted to bring this resource to their staff and community.

The first cohort of staff and community members was created in June 2021. We were a small group reading and discussing several chapters in the book over a twelve-month span. There are 12 chapters, one for each month, each with a different skill to grow within ourselves. At the same time, I also joined an online book club the author and her team facilitated. In both groups, we met each month to read and discuss chapters.

The administration and staff received the focus on resilience so well that I was able to facilitate two more Professional Learning Community cohorts for the school I served with teaching and support staff. In all, I have read Onward at least three times, and each time, I have found value in the chapters, but mainly in the discussion with others.

There were three needs that I saw being addressed in all the groups:

  1. The need for community and support. We need to know that we are doing this together. Multiple emotions come up throughout the day, at work and home. Knowing we are not alone in that feeling makes it okay. Giving voice to what you feel is a path to self-awareness and self-management.
  1. Learning skills that can be used to build our own resilience. Onward and many other resources are full of skills to develop our resilience. Knowing and implementing those skills can be a way for adults in the school or organization to regulate their nervous system (calm brain and body). There are many ways to regulate, and you can pick and choose what will work for you.
  1. Stress relief is huge and needed! One of the ways the groups relieve stress for me is through authentic connection. At the beginning of our sessions, we have a set of norms. We talk about having confidentiality within the group. This norm helps to give people a safe space to be authentic and vulnerable. Growth and learning can happen when we feel safe in a relationship. 

“Even when I know better, I don’t always do better without constant practice and support.”

We go for the immediate rewards of the short sprint when we really need the consistency of the long haul. Building resilience, emotional intelligence, and ways to relieve stress, plus doing it with the support of a community, is the life preserver that we all need. I hope you find that group of compassionate adults who can support you in 2025. 

Wishing you all the best in 2025!!

Three Steps to Reduce Stress

Stress is a constant in life. There are stressors throughout the day that you need to contend with, like getting to work on time, being able to put food on the table, paying bills, and taking time to grow relationships. These are all good things, but they are daily events that can be stressful.

How we handle these daily stressful events depends on how we build in small, doable, stress-relieving activities throughout the day—activities that bring laughter, emotion, connection, and fun. 

Step one is a crucial foundation for stress management. It involves stopping and noticing. Pay attention to what your mind is saying. Your thoughts can be the most stress-inducing event of the day. What are you saying to yourself, what is happening in your body, and how are you feeling? Noticing these signals can take just a few moments. When feeling unsafe, your brain releases cortisol and adrenaline hormones, activating the amygdala and hypothalamus. But by recognizing these signs, you can take control and manage your stress. 

Shifting from the amygdala, the part of the brain that is ready to jump into action to keep us safe, to the prefrontal cortex, the thinking part, can take twelve or more seconds. Stop right now and count slowly to 12. Great! If you were feeling stressed, you took some time to notice and shift.

If you have accomplished step one, that is huge! When you can stop and notice, you are doing a big service for yourself. You recognize the state you are in and honor yourself.

Step two is to shift your state of mind when you are in a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. Most people know the fight, flight, and freeze response to danger and stress. The fawn response is one of appeasing the danger, not being able to set clear boundaries, or saying no. 

Shifting your state is about finding ways to release the feel-good hormone of oxytocin into the brain. There are many ways to do this shift and build short, doable actions into your daily life. Here are just a few things you can try:

  • Physical touch that is with someone you trust, hugging, holding hands, kissing, massage
  • High-intensity exercise
  • Listening to music or singing with a group
  • Social activities with a friend or seeing your family 
  • Cuddle with a pet
  • Laughter looking at funny videos or laughing with friends is even better.

Step three is to reflect on the event that increased the stress response. After a stress response, and you feel calm, ask yourself, “What just happened? “What was that all about? ” Take the time to find out what needs were not being met for you and what you can do next time to better manage your stress. Journaling your answers or discussing them with a trusted person can be helpful. You might want to seek professional help if this situation is difficult.

Many people experience chronic stress, stress that is at low continuous levels, keeping the stress response system always on alert. After a while, this constant release of cortisol into the body can contribute to long-term health problems like heart disease and diabetes.

Fortunately, you can learn these techniques to reduce stress. It takes a little time to build them into your daily routine, creating a habit that will, in the long term, change how you respond to stress. When you can make this small change in your life, a ripple effect can happen, touching the lives of those all around you.
If you are looking for more tips on how to build resiliency into your life and workplace culture, click HERE to sign up for my newsletter.

Three Questions to Discover What Engages You(th)

When I talk with educators and staff from the helping professions, they are often so busy and caught up in work and life that they lose the brilliant part of themselves. The part that comes alive lets them live in the flow, and they know what truly excites them. 

Do you want to explore that part of who you are?

Embrace the power of self-reflection. Find a serene spot, armed with a journal, pen, and your favorite beverage. Set aside 10 minutes of uninterrupted time. Engage with the questions below, penning or doodling your responses. This process of self-discovery is a crucial step toward understanding your passions and strengths.

  • Imagine waking up one morning with the freedom to engage in any activity or activities for as long as you desire. What would these activities be? 
  • When in your life do you feel happiest? What are you doing at those times?
  • Have you ever been so engrossed in an activity that you completely lost track of time? This state of ‘flow’, where you are fully immersed and enjoying what you’re doing, is a powerful indicator of an activity that brings you joy and fulfilment. Can you recall those moments of ‘flow ‘and what you were doing?

Your time is up! Read what you wrote. 

What is your Spark? 

According to Peter Benson, past CEO and president of the Search Institute, Sparks are skills, talents, or interests that a young person (or you) finds deeply motivating. They are hidden flames in youth (and adults) that light their provable fire, excite them, and tap into their true passions. Strength is a term that may also describe Sparks.

When paired with core values, Sparks can give you a firm direction for what you want from life and how you want to engage in it. When you share your core values and Sparks with someone close to you, and they listen, the experience can help you define what matters to you and who you are.

Connection between Sparks and Engagement

Focusing on our strengths and innate talents can significantly improve our lives. According to a Gallup survey, only 23% of employees worldwide feel engaged in their work. Disengagement in the workplace decreases employee productivity and well-being. However, when employees know and use their talents and strengths at work, workplace engagement increases to 50%. 

When leadership intentionally focuses on strengths by acknowledging best practices, engagement in the workplace grows to 72%. When we can tap into strengths in our jobs and daily lives, we ‘show up’ at our best and can more easily connect with and identify the strengths of the youth in our schools and programs. Your engagement grows when you are convicted of your strengths (sparks) and values. 

Try This!

  • Ask the youth in the classroom or program the questions above and find their answers. Then, give the youth time to express their Sparks within the program or learning environment.
  • Play “Would You Rather” with Sparks and make participants choose. Examples are:
    • Play music or listen to music
    • Read a book or write a book
    • Work inside or work outside
    • Eat a meal or cook a meal
  • Journal about Kathryn Lasky’s quote, “A spark can become a flame, a flame a fire.” How can you fan the flames to help your Spark become a fire?

Tapping into your sparks daily can help you and the youth you work with identify and tap into their Sparks. When you support youth in developing their Sparks, you increase engagement, strengthen relationships, and create a community where everyone thrives!

Wellbeing in the Classroom Video Series

This is a video series on developing well-being for educators and students. In this course, you will dive into the world of wellness, learning how to tackle stress head-on and adopt a mindset geared towards well-being. You will explore ways to bring activities promoting wellness into your life and classrooms, creating a positive atmosphere where everyone can thrive. It’s all about finding balance and building resilience for yourselves and your students.

The video series is focused on educators in the classroom; however, the concepts and resources can be used by anyone in the helping profession working with youth. This series is for helping the helpers that are in the world doing good work! This is for you, my dear friend.

Check the show notes of each video. Many have resources and free downloads below to support you in bringing well-being into the classroom, school, program, organization, and your life! 

Also, remember to subscribe to the Wildewood Learning YouTube Channel so that you can keep up with upcoming videos and resources.

Four Resources for Exploring Culture

Culture is described in the dictionary as “the customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social group.”
In May 2020, the murder of George Floyd occurred in Minneapolis, Minnesota—my home state—the state of Minnesota Nice. Minnesotans are white Scandinavian folks that eat lefsa and bring hotdishes to potlucks at the church. The event did not fit my perceived image of Minnesota culture. There was something I needed to explore and get curious about that was not within my worldview.

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