Three Reasons to Find Your Resilience Support Team

This post was originally written in December 2021 and revised on December 3, 2024

This time of the year is for traditions, celebrations, and community. It’s also a time for rest, darkness, and solitude. In some ways, this time of the year is a paradox for me. How can I be both happy and sad at the same time? Can I be in the dark area of my soul and then see the light?

As I have aged, I have felt this paradox more strongly than ever. I see both sides of the story. I want to be with family and friends, yet sometimes I just want to sit on my bed by myself. The paradox is confusing. Life isn’t as cut and dried as we sometimes think it needs to be.

I want you to know that if you feel the season’s push and pull, that is perfect. You are feeling aware and know that most people’s lives are not like the family photo on the Facebook page. 

In the past, I have worked with a small school where I was lucky enough to support staff professional development working on resilience skills. The resource we use is a book written by Elena Aguilar, Onward Cultivating Emotional Resilience in Educators. It is an excellent resource; I used it for three years in a Professional Learning Community with the staff members. 

In 2020, I was part of a statewide Social and Emotional Learning cohort that used Onward as a resource for administrators and leadership. This was at the height of the pandemic, and we found Onward to be an extremely useful resource for us. The leadership team at the small school I served wanted to bring this resource to their staff and community.

The first cohort of staff and community members was created in June 2021. We were a small group reading and discussing several chapters in the book over a twelve-month span. There are 12 chapters, one for each month, each with a different skill to grow within ourselves. At the same time, I also joined an online book club the author and her team facilitated. In both groups, we met each month to read and discuss chapters.

The administration and staff received the focus on resilience so well that I was able to facilitate two more Professional Learning Community cohorts for the school I served with teaching and support staff. In all, I have read Onward at least three times, and each time, I have found value in the chapters, but mainly in the discussion with others.

There were three needs that I saw being addressed in all the groups:

  1. The need for community and support. We need to know that we are doing this together. Multiple emotions come up throughout the day, at work and home. Knowing we are not alone in that feeling makes it okay. Giving voice to what you feel is a path to self-awareness and self-management.
  1. Learning skills that can be used to build our own resilience. Onward and many other resources are full of skills to develop our resilience. Knowing and implementing those skills can be a way for adults in the school or organization to regulate their nervous system (calm brain and body). There are many ways to regulate, and you can pick and choose what will work for you.
  1. Stress relief is huge and needed! One of the ways the groups relieve stress for me is through authentic connection. At the beginning of our sessions, we have a set of norms. We talk about having confidentiality within the group. This norm helps to give people a safe space to be authentic and vulnerable. Growth and learning can happen when we feel safe in a relationship. 

“Even when I know better, I don’t always do better without constant practice and support.”

We go for the immediate rewards of the short sprint when we really need the consistency of the long haul. Building resilience, emotional intelligence, and ways to relieve stress, plus doing it with the support of a community, is the life preserver that we all need. I hope you find that group of compassionate adults who can support you in 2025. 

Wishing you all the best in 2025!!

Be Your Best

“Your best is going to change from moment to moment, it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.”

Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

Have you ever thought about what being your best truly means for you?

The Four Agreements is one of the most eye-opening, influential books I have read. Although the four statements in the book sound easy to follow, they are not. The Four Agreements are:

  1. Be Impeccable with Your Word
  2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
  3. Don’t Make Assumptions and
  4. Always Do Your Best.

I want to focus on “Always Do Your Best.” It’s the agreement that helps to integrate the other three. Always Do Your Best is about letting go of judgment and recognizing that life is constantly changing. My “best” in the morning differs from my “best” in the afternoon. Don Miguel describes emotional intelligence and agility in this agreement.

Emotional intelligence, a crucial skill in today’s world, equips us with the tools to navigate life’s challenges with self-awareness and agility. As researcher Susan David explains, emotional agility empowers us to manage complex emotions, make choices aligned with our values, and lead a more authentic and fulfilling life. The benefits of emotional intelligence extend beyond personal well-being, positively influencing our professional success and the work environment.

Burnout and stress in the workplace are at a high level. In 2023, 65% of all employees reported feeling burned out. Healthcare, emergency services, social work, and education professionals have some of the highest burnout rates. I am not surprised. The daily stresses and workload on people in the helping professions doesn’t provide a healthy or safe environment for the youth, children, and clients being served by the organization.

Emotional intelligence skills are not just a nice-to-have; they are a necessity for 21st-century workplaces and the key to creating a healthier, more supportive work environment. Adults need to develop the skills of recognizing and embracing strong emotions, feelings, thoughts, and needs. This will allow employees to gain insights into handling situations beyond their control and develop a mindset that will empower them. We need leaders who model emotional intelligence from a place of compassion and self-awareness, fostering a culture of understanding and support.

Emotionally Intelligent Leaders

When someone leads an organization with emotional intelligence, people recognize the shift in being their best. Being their best doesn’t translate to doing more! Being your best translates to recognizing your emotional and physical state in the moment, creating a pause, and then choosing to serve you and the others around you the best you can in that moment. An emotionally intelligent leader understands themselves and then passes that understanding to their staff. The staff then serves their clients or students, being their best and recognizing that the people they serve are also being their best. We are all just being our best selves with the skills and strategies available to us.

Emotional intelligence training can make a real difference in your organization. A social service agency director wanted to support her staff in growing their emotional intelligence. We worked together to develop training that helped the staff recognize their strengths and the strengths of their co-workers, gain a better understanding of trauma-informed communities, and implement small, doable practices to increase optimism within the organization. These trainings have not only supported the staff in collaboration across departments but also helped them better serve their clients with compassion. The results speak for themselves. 

I am trained in emotional agility through Susan David’s organization. If you are interested in bringing the skills and strategies of emotional agility to your organization, reach out to collaborate with me on bringing these skills to your organization. You can connect with me here: https://wildewoodlearning.com/connect/

Three Questions to Discover What Engages You(th)

When I talk with educators and staff from the helping professions, they are often so busy and caught up in work and life that they lose the brilliant part of themselves. The part that comes alive lets them live in the flow, and they know what truly excites them. 

Do you want to explore that part of who you are?

Embrace the power of self-reflection. Find a serene spot, armed with a journal, pen, and your favorite beverage. Set aside 10 minutes of uninterrupted time. Engage with the questions below, penning or doodling your responses. This process of self-discovery is a crucial step toward understanding your passions and strengths.

  • Imagine waking up one morning with the freedom to engage in any activity or activities for as long as you desire. What would these activities be? 
  • When in your life do you feel happiest? What are you doing at those times?
  • Have you ever been so engrossed in an activity that you completely lost track of time? This state of ‘flow’, where you are fully immersed and enjoying what you’re doing, is a powerful indicator of an activity that brings you joy and fulfilment. Can you recall those moments of ‘flow ‘and what you were doing?

Your time is up! Read what you wrote. 

What is your Spark? 

According to Peter Benson, past CEO and president of the Search Institute, Sparks are skills, talents, or interests that a young person (or you) finds deeply motivating. They are hidden flames in youth (and adults) that light their provable fire, excite them, and tap into their true passions. Strength is a term that may also describe Sparks.

When paired with core values, Sparks can give you a firm direction for what you want from life and how you want to engage in it. When you share your core values and Sparks with someone close to you, and they listen, the experience can help you define what matters to you and who you are.

Connection between Sparks and Engagement

Focusing on our strengths and innate talents can significantly improve our lives. According to a Gallup survey, only 23% of employees worldwide feel engaged in their work. Disengagement in the workplace decreases employee productivity and well-being. However, when employees know and use their talents and strengths at work, workplace engagement increases to 50%. 

When leadership intentionally focuses on strengths by acknowledging best practices, engagement in the workplace grows to 72%. When we can tap into strengths in our jobs and daily lives, we ‘show up’ at our best and can more easily connect with and identify the strengths of the youth in our schools and programs. Your engagement grows when you are convicted of your strengths (sparks) and values. 

Try This!

  • Ask the youth in the classroom or program the questions above and find their answers. Then, give the youth time to express their Sparks within the program or learning environment.
  • Play “Would You Rather” with Sparks and make participants choose. Examples are:
    • Play music or listen to music
    • Read a book or write a book
    • Work inside or work outside
    • Eat a meal or cook a meal
  • Journal about Kathryn Lasky’s quote, “A spark can become a flame, a flame a fire.” How can you fan the flames to help your Spark become a fire?

Tapping into your sparks daily can help you and the youth you work with identify and tap into their Sparks. When you support youth in developing their Sparks, you increase engagement, strengthen relationships, and create a community where everyone thrives!

Four Resources for Exploring Culture

Culture is described in the dictionary as “the customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social group.”
In May 2020, the murder of George Floyd occurred in Minneapolis, Minnesota—my home state—the state of Minnesota Nice. Minnesotans are white Scandinavian folks that eat lefsa and bring hotdishes to potlucks at the church. The event did not fit my perceived image of Minnesota culture. There was something I needed to explore and get curious about that was not within my worldview.

Continue reading