The Necessity of Core Values

On long road trips alone, I enjoy listening to podcasts. I like filling my mind with others’ wisdom. This past weekend, I listened to Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead podcast. She has just released a new book, Strong Ground, on leadership, and is kicking off its promotion with conversations with Adam Grant. If you’re not familiar with Adam Grant’s work, he has authored several books on organizational psychology.

In one of the episodes I listened to, they discussed core values as a crucial part of leadership. I have narrowed my core values to three —spirituality, adventure, and contributing — but Brené suggests focusing on just two. She highlights the significance of these two values as they truly guide our actions and choices. She urges us to do the hard work of asking ourselves, What does this look like and sound like in my life?

For me, my value of spirituality is a priority in my life. I take time in the morning to watch a sunrise or meditate. This helps me see that there is something bigger than myself and the connection I feel. Adventure is also one of my values. I see adventure when planning trips to places I’ve never been before. I also find adventure in learning new things and ideas.

Helping organizations and schools identify their core values is part of my work with leaders and staff to initiate conversations about values and their impact on the workplace. 

This summer, I worked with a group of high school students and their mentors to identify values. They were asked to review the company’s values. How do your values align with the company? What does that alignment mean to you?

In June 2019, I wrote about helping teens identify their values and how sharing them with a supportive adult (like a teacher) can significantly impact their academic success. You can read that post HERE.

Try This:

  1. Print off this list of Core Values. Circle your top 10. I find that many want to put family first; however, you don’t need to feel obligated to do so. Family can be important, and you live your values through how you interact with your family members. 
  2. Next, narrow the list down to your top five values.
  3. Then to your top two. 
  4. Journal about how these two values show up in your life.
    1. What does it look like and feel like when you are in alignment with your values? 
    2. What does it look like ro feel like when you are out of alignment?
  5. Post your values where you can reflect on them often. This simple act can serve as a daily reminder of what’s truly important to you, helping you make decisions that align with your values. It can also provide clarity and direction, especially during challenging times.

This activity is valuable at the organizational level. When conflict occurs within an organization, unclear communication and a lack of understanding of our values can lead to assumptions, which, in turn, can increase the conflict. The time spent helping people understand and align with their own values, alongside the organization’s, can be an effective tool for addressing conflict when it arises.

Resources: Link to the 6-part podcast series Finding Our Strong Ground
Trauma-Informed Resiliency practices are designed for organizations or schools that want to support their staff in performing at their best for those they serve. If you’re interested in learning more about the workshops I can facilitate with your team, let’s chat. Click Here!

Choosing Trauma-Informed Prevention That Works

A recent regional story about a high-school “mock crash”—a staged DUI collision with blood, sirens, and ambulances—took me back to practices many communities once embraced as prevention. I grew up in the 1980s, and before prom or graduation, there was always a community in the area that staged a “mock crash.” These events are meant to shock teens into safer choices. But today, with what we know about trauma and what the research shows about behavior change, we need to ask: Do mock crashes work—and at what cost?

What the evidence says

Independent reviews of school-based alcohol and impaired-driving programs consistently find that dramatic, one-off events can change feelings for a moment but don’t change behavior over time. A research summary from the Washington Traffic Safety Commission concluded that well-known programs, such as Every 15 Minutes and “Grim Reaper/Mock Crashes,” have not produced significant, long-term outcomes on attitudes or behavior. At best, short-term attitude shifts fade within weeks; crucially, studies rarely show reductions in actual drinking or alcohol-related crashes.

This pattern aligns with broader prevention science: fear- or threat-based campaigns are attention-grabbing, but their effects on actual driving behavior are small or short-lived, and they can be least effective for the very youth who are most likely to take risks. (Traffic Injury Research Foundation)

Why this kind of “prevention” can harm

Being trauma-informed means recognizing that many students and staff carry visible and invisible wounds. As physician Gabor Maté puts it, “Trauma is not what happens to you but what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.” Graphic simulations risk re-activating those internal wounds—especially for students who’ve lost loved ones in crashes, have family members with DUIs, or who live with chronic stress. 

Best-practice frameworks for trauma-informed schools emphasize avoiding re-traumatization, creating emotional and physical safety, and building regulation and connection. Loud sirens, staged accidents, and EMTs may directly conflict with those principles, potentially compounding distress for vulnerable youth. 

When we know better, we do better

So what should schools and communities do instead? Shift from shock to strengths and connection—approaches that build protective factors, positive norms, and help-seeking.

One model with a strong and growing evidence base is Sources of Strength, which spreads peer-led messages of Hope, Help, and Strength and connects students to trusted adults. A multi-state randomized evaluation showed schoolwide improvements in help-seeking norms, with the most significant gains among students at higher risk. (PMC)

Most compelling, a recent CDC-funded cluster randomized trial found a 29% reduction in new suicide attempts among high-school students in schools implementing Sources of Strength—powerful evidence that positive-norm, connection-based prevention can produce real behavioral outcomes. Both substance (alcohol, cannabis, and drugs) misuse and suicidality are strongly linked to unresolved trauma, emotional dysregulation, and lack of social connection—the very areas addressed by trauma-informed prevention models like Sources of Strength.

We know when youth drink, it’s rarely “just about the alcohol.” It’s often about coping with pain, pressure, or disconnection. Fear-based campaigns and mock crashes don’t heal that pain—but hope, belonging, and connection do.

Research results align with trauma-informed school guidance, emphasizing the importance of building safety and belonging, elevating student voice, and strengthening skills and supports, rather than relying on graphic fear appeals.

A better path forward

If your community is considering a mock crash before prom or homecoming, here are trauma-informed alternatives that honor lived experience and improve outcomes:

  • Peer-led positive norms campaigns (e.g., Sources of Strength “Hope, Help, Strength” messaging) that regularly reinforce help-seeking, safe-ride plans, and looking out for friends.
  • Skill-building sessions (refusal skills, bystander intervention, planning a ride) are integrated into advisory or health classes rather than one-time assemblies. Evidence reviews show life-skills approaches outperform scare tactics.
  • Storytelling with consent and support, centered on resilience and recovery—not graphic details—and accompanied by clear pathways to help during and after the event (school counselors, 988). Trauma-informed toolkits support choice, safety, and connection.

As a certified trainer of Sources of Strength in the state of Minnesota, I help schools and communities replace outdated, potentially harmful practices with trauma-informed, strengths-based prevention that actually moves the needle. If your district wants to talk about ditching mock crashes and building a culture of Hope, Help, and Strength, I’d love to connect.

Are you a school or community in Minnesota interested in implementing Sources of Strength? Click HERE to find out how Kathryn can support your school.

How a County Social Service Agency Strengthened the Skills of Its Staff to Increase Resilience

This is the second case study I will share, illustrating Wildewood Learning’s partnerships with schools and organizations that serve families and children, with a focus on trauma-informed, strength-based interventions. The first case study was with a school district in northwestern Minnesota. You can read about it here. 

The social services agency, located in a small county in northwestern Minnesota, took a proactive approach to staff development. The staff, comprising approximately 20 people, provided and implemented social service programs for the 4,000 residents in the county. Wildewood Learning provided training to the staff over the course of 9 months through three targeted training sessions.

Challenge

The staff members were often disconnected in their work relationships. It was the fall of 2022, and some staff members had not yet returned to the office, while others were on a rotating schedule. There was a strong need to bring everyone together in the agency. Additionally, staff struggled to understand client needs and behaviors. However, through the training, they gained a more compassionate lens in understanding the effects of trauma, leading to a significant shift in their approach.

Solution

In a collaborative effort between Rural Minnesota CEP (Concentrated Employment Program) and the local social services agency, they hired Wildewood Learning (Kathryn Magnusson) to facilitate a Strengths in Action training using the Clifton StrengthsFinder Assessment with CEP and County staff. The training session enabled the staff to come together and create a shared experience, learning about one another’s strengths. 

The positive results led to two additional trainings: one on Trauma-Sensitive Communities, so that all staff, from reception personnel to the director, had a basic understanding of trauma, its effects, and how to create resilience. 

The third training was on the topic of Increasing Optimism. The goal of this training session was to create a positive atmosphere within the workplace, which would, in turn, enhance relationships with colleagues and clients. 

Results

After the three sessions, I sat down with the director to ask how the training had affected the staff.

  • Increased staff positivity and energy: The director noted that the training provided a much-needed “shot of positivity,” helping staff shift their mindset at work. The agency’s commitment to fostering a positive workplace culture was evident in the staff’s increased energy and improved outlook, which were seen as meaningful wins in maintaining a healthier workplace culture.
  • Improved team cohesion: She emphasized the importance of bringing her staff together. By participating in activities as a group, staff had the opportunity to collaborate, connect across departments, and “rub elbows with each other.” The sessions strengthened relationships and reduced feelings of isolation between teams.
  • Shared learning experience: Rather than sending one or two staff to outside trainings, the agency found greater benefit in having all staff learn together. The director observed that when “we’re all in the same room, listening to the same person,” the training messages carried further and were more consistent across the organization.
  • Support for leadership development: The director also highlighted her own growth, noting that bringing training in-house aligned with her annual leadership goals. Hosting ongoing staff development was seen not only as beneficial for the team but also as part of building her capacity as an agency leader.

“These trainings have given my staff the positivity and energy they need to face tough work. When we’re all in the same room, learning together, it builds stronger connections and helps us support each other. Bringing this training in-house has been one of the best ways to invest in my team’s well-being and growth.” 

Amy Ballard, Director, Lake of the Woods Social Services

The work done in collaboration with Wildewood Learning supports the social service director in her goals of creating a positive workplace atmosphere, acknowledging the strengths of the staff, and also creating empathy for clients and colleagues. 

Wildewood Learning offers customized professional development, consulting, and tools to support workplaces in becoming trauma-informed and strength-based places where people thrive. Let’s connect to discuss how we can support your staff, strengthen relationships, and help you achieve your leadership goals for your organization. Connect with Wildewood Learning today!

How One School Implemented Trauma-Informed Strength-Based Strategies throughout the District

Over the next few weeks, I will share several case studies that illustrate Wildewood Learning’s partnerships with schools and organizations serving families and children, focusing on trauma-informed, strength-based interventions. The first case study I want to share is with a school district I partnered with for 5 years.

Lake of the Woods School is a small rural school district located in Baudette, located in northwestern Minnesota. The district is K-12, housed in one school building, with 450 total students. The mission of the Lake of the Woods School is to ensure that all learner achieve their highest potential and become contributing citizens in a rapidly changing world. Their vision is to be a premier school district that inspires and prepares all learners to thrive today and excel tomorrow.

Challenge

The Lake of the Woods School (LOW) 5-year strategic plan outlined in part to provide student supports by fully implementing Multi-Tiered Systems of Support and Trauma-Informed Schools, plus partnerships to increase social and emotional learning needs of all students. In doing so, they aimed to enhance the school’s climate and culture by fostering respectful and positive communication among all staff and students across the district. The elementary grades had implemented a social and emotional learning program with a dedicated SEL Specialist (Kathryn Magnusson) leading bi-monthly lessons with teachers and students K-6, plus providing resources for classroom teachers; however, not all staff were involved K-12 in the SEL programming.

Solution

Over the course of the five-year plan, Wildewood Learning supported the dedicated staff of Lake of the Woods School with several options for needs assessments and professional development. The journey began with all school staff learning about being a trauma-informed school and the importance of social and emotional learning. Training was provided to classroom teachers, as well as bus drivers, support, custodial and kitchen staff. The district surveyed employees about their support needs. Wildewood Learning collaborated with the administration and SEL committee members to chart a path forward with professional development options, including embedded professional development, Professional Learning Communities, and whole-district professional development, to support Lake of the Woods School in achieving its strategic goals.

Results

Over the five-year partnership, Lake of the Woods School saw measurable growth in its ability to support students through trauma-informed and strength-based practices. What began as a strategic plan goal has become an embedded part of the district’s culture and climate.

  • Increased staff capacity: Surveys showed that staff reported a significant increase in confidence using trauma-informed strategies such as de-escalation, co-regulation, and positive communication.
  • Improved school climate: Office referrals and student behavior incidents decreased across grade levels, reflecting the significant impact of consistent SEL instruction and trauma-informed responses. This positive change reassured the school community about the effectiveness of the program. 
  • Expanded SEL integration: SEL instruction expanded from the elementary level to a schoolwide effort. The high school staff reported that they now integrate SEL strategies into their daily practice, creating a shared language and common expectations for students. This expansion to the high school level showcases the program’s scalability and the staff feel optimistic about its potential impact.
  • Sustained systemwide structures: With a dedicated SEL committee, annual training opportunities, and embedded professional learning communities, Lake of the Woods has built a strong foundation for sustaining trauma-informed, strength-based practices well beyond the original five-year plan.

By doing this work in partnership with Wildewood Learning, Lake of the Woods School has brought its daily practices in line with its mission to help every learner reach their full potential and prepare them to succeed in a world that’s changing quickly.Change doesn’t happen overnight—it happens through intentional partnerships and proven strategies. Wildewood Learning offers customized professional development, consulting, and tools to help schools embed trauma-informed, strength-based practices into daily routines. Let’s connect to discuss how we can support your staff, strengthen relationships, and achieve your district’s goals. Connect with Wildewood Learning  and start today!

Opportunities Are All Around Us

It’s just a few days away from September. September has always been a month of transition for me. As a parent and former classroom teacher, when September rolls around, it signifies new beginnings:

  • New school year
  • New season (fall is one of my favorites) and
  • New opportunities.

The last month has been filled with new opportunities for me, some of which I was looking forward to experiencing, and others were totally unexpected. Navigating expected and unexpected opportunities is all about reframing the experience, and often, the most unexpected ones hold the greatest potential for growth. 

Yesterday, I was planning to write this newsletter, but then I needed to take a sick family member to the clinic. My day went in a totally different direction, so much so that I didn’t even open my computer. 

Often, when faced with unexpected events and unable to accomplish my “to-do” list, my thoughts would spin out of control. I would feel anxious, frustrated, and irritated with the situations, which the other person would feel. 

However, what truly helped me stay calm when I didn’t accomplish everything I had planned yesterday was a reminder to be gentle with myself and remember that it’s okay to have days when things don’t go as expected. I stopped, I breathed, and I asked myself, “What is the opportunity here?”

This is the opportunity to:

  • Helps a sick family member
  • Stop and breathe
  • Consider my priorities
  • Lean into what I value
  • Create connection, care, and love

I did this reframe throughout the day, keeping my mind in the present and letting the person I was with know that I cared. This act of being present and caring is not only a personal value but also a professional one that can greatly impact those around us. 

As leaders in your school or organization and role models for families, children, and youth, your role is crucial. You always have an ongoing “to-do” list that can sometimes get in the way of opportunities for connection, caring, and being present. 

Every day brings a new set of expected and unexpected opportunities. I hope you take the time to stop, breathe, and ask yourself, “What is the opportunity here?”

Wishing you the ability to see all the opportunities that lie ahead in the new month!

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Why Behavior Charts Aren’t Working—and What to Try Instead

When I was a teacher, I wasn’t a huge fan of behavior charts. Kids are bright, and some would learn how to work the system to get a sticker, candy, or a reward chip. 

However, when I became a parent to four young children, I was at my wits’ end, trying to curb some of the behaviors that I was experiencing from our children. I reluctantly turned to various behavior modification techniques suggested by my children’s therapists. Some of them worked, for a while; however, none of the tricks were long-term solutions for the behaviors I was struggling with as a parent. I understand the frustration and the feeling of being at a loss that many of you might be experiencing.

“You earned a sticker!” was a phrase we’ve all heard—or used. Sticker charts, color-coded clips, and token systems are common tools in classrooms and childcare settings, designed to shape behavior by rewarding the “good” and discouraging the “bad.”

But if you’ve ever found yourself adding more rules, more rewards, or more consequences just to keep things from spiraling out of control, you’re not alone. The truth is, as I have found and research shows, behavior charts might get short-term compliance—but they rarely lead to long-term change. Why? Because they miss the most essential part: the relationship.

The Problem with Traditional Behavior Charts

On the surface, behavior charts seem harmless. They’re structured, visual, and easy to implement. But dig a little deeper, and their limitations become clear.

  • They focus on control, not connection.
    Most charts are designed to modify outward behavior, not address emotional needs underneath.
  • They rely on external motivation.
    Children “perform” for a sticker or a prize rather than learning to regulate themselves or understand their impact on others.
  • They label kids—often unfairly.
    A child who has a tough start to the day may spend the rest of it feeling like “the bad kid.”
  • They don’t help us understand the why behind behavior.
    Without curiosity, we risk correcting symptoms instead of solving problems.

External Rewards Can Backfire

Behavior charts are classic examples of what author Daniel Pink, in his book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, calls “if–then” rewards—if you behave, then you get a sticker. While they may provide short-term results, Pink’s research shows they often come at a cost.

“Rewards can deliver a short-term boost—just as a jolt of caffeine can keep you cranking for a few more hours. But the effect wears off—and, worse, can reduce a person’s longer-term motivation to continue the project.” —Daniel Pink, Drive

Pink outlines seven “deadly flaws” of external rewards like sticker charts. These include extinguishing intrinsic motivation, diminishing performance, crowding out good behavior, and encouraging short-term thinking.

In other words, children may start behaving for the sticker rather than for the joy of learning, relationships, or inner growth. When the chart goes away, so does the behavior. That’s not sustainable. Plus, behavior charts can sometimes make things worse with children who have developmental trauma.

Why Behavior Charts Can Make Things Worse for Children with Trauma

For children with a history of high stress or trauma, behavior isn’t just a choice—it’s often a survival strategy. When a child feels unsafe or overwhelmed (even in a classroom), their nervous system may shift into a protective state: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

Let’s look at how that plays out:

  • A child in fight mode might hit, yell, or defy.
  • A child in flight mode may run away, hide, or avoid tasks.
  • A freeze response might look like zoning out, going silent, or seeming unmotivated.
  • A child in fawn mode might people-please, go along with anything, or become overly compliant—even at the expense of their own needs.

When we respond to these survival behaviors with behavior charts—“You’re on red for yelling,” “No sticker today because you didn’t follow directions”—we risk compounding the child’s distress. These tools interpret stress responses as misbehavior, and children often internalize the shame:

“I’m bad.”
“I never do anything right.”
“No one sees how hard I’m trying.”

Instead of soothing the nervous system, these public reward-punishment systems can escalate a stress response, particularly for children whose brains are wired for protection, not connection.

A New Lens: Behavior as Communication

What if, instead of seeing behavior as something to control, we saw it as a message?

Children, especially in early childhood, often struggle to find the words to express their needs. So they use the tools they have: crying, running, hitting, hiding, refusing. Every behavior is a signal—sometimes of stress, sometimes of unmet needs, and sometimes of strengths used in unhelpful ways. Understanding this can help us respond to the underlying issue rather than just the behavior itself.

When we shift from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What is this child trying to tell me?”—everything changes.

What to Try Instead

Here are four relational, strengths-based practices that can replace behavior charts and support deeper, lasting growth.

1. Start with Safety and Connection

Children thrive when they feel safe and seen. Greet them by name. Use warm eye contact. Offer consistent routines. A child who feels emotionally safe is less likely to act out.

2. Co-Regulate First

Before we ask a child to “make a better choice,” we need to help them calm their nervous system. This might look like offering a calming space, using a soft voice, or just sitting quietly beside them. Your calm is contagious. Remember, you also need to regulate yourself before engaging with a dysregulated child. Only an adult with a regulated nervous system can co-regulate with others.

3. Use Strength-Based Language

Instead of saying, “You’re being difficult,” try, “I see you’re determined. Let’s figure this out together.” Reframing behaviors through a strength lens helps children develop a positive identity—even when they’re struggling.

4. Solve Problems With, Not To

Invite children into collaborative problem-solving. “It looks like clean-up time is really hard for you. Let’s talk about what would help.” When kids feel ownership, they’re more likely to engage.

After learning about a trauma-sensitive strength-based approach to a child’s behavior, one of the child care providers in our Strengths-Based Resilience course shared this:


 “I had a child who constantly disrupted circle time—fidgeting, talking, getting up. I tried everything: stickers, red-yellow-green charts, even prizes. Nothing worked. After the course, I realized: maybe circle time wasn’t the problem—maybe sitting still for 20 minutes was too much. We shortened the time, gave him a fidget, and made him the ‘song picker.’ Not only did the behavior improve, but so did our relationship.”

The shift? Less control. More connection. And an understanding of strengths in action.

The Bottom Line

You don’t need a better chart—you need a better lens. One rooted in curiosity, compassion, and connection. When we lead with relationship, children feel safe to grow—not just behave.

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Five Therapeutic Tools for Non-Therapists

I have been in many therapists ‘, social workers’, or mental health professionals’ offices over the years. I mostly attended appointments with family members, as well as a few for myself. It hasn’t always been easy to get an appointment or set up a screening when needed, and that is only going to get more difficult in the United States.

Living in rural America presents a unique challenge, with a staggering 160 million people in rural areas grappling with a severe shortage of mental health professionals. The need for over 8,000 additional providers nationally is a pressing issue that demands immediate attention. (commonwealthfund.org) 

I live in rural America, a small community on the Canadian border. We are fortunate to have a community hospital, as the next closest hospital would be 60 miles away. We are lucky to have a behavioral health department in the hospital, staffed with several therapists and social workers. I hope that our luck doesn’t run out.

When working with individuals who serve children and youth, I share that you don’t have to be a therapist to be therapeutic with the people you serve. However, you do need to have a few skills and knowledge in your toolbox to draw upon so that you can help children and youth. 

Two weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend a conference where Dr. Bruce Perry discussed this very topic. I have been a fan of Dr. Perry’s ever since I read his book, “The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog,” and his more recent book with Oprah Winfrey, “What Happened to You?” He has worked with children who have experienced trauma for many years. 

Here are five key takeaways I gleaned from his presentation.

  1. Be Relationally Present

Put down the phone and meet the needs of the children who are in your presence with intention. Provide them with the attentive and kind interactions needed in the moment. It is in the small positive interactions that create a safe and connected environment for healing to occur.

  1. Provide Psychoeducation

If you interact with children, families, or colleagues, it is essential to understand the normal stress response. You need to recognize the response to stress in yourself and others. Often, in children, the stress response manifests as aggression, hyperactivity, or shutdown. Children in a stressful situation are not selecting their behaviors; they are reacting to fear, leading to behaviors labeled as challenging. Punishment and compliance don’t work; understanding and helping to mitigate the stressors work. 

  1. Teaching Sensory Support

You can teach simple, easy routines to children and families to help reduce stressors. Activities that engage the physical are the best, such as knitting, running, sculpting, and playing musical instruments. This is why the arts and outdoor recess are so important, not just in elementary age, but at all ages. These are opportunities to provide physical and emotional regulation. 

  1. Agency and Support

Encouraging understanding that you have agency in taking care of your basic needs (sleep, exercise, nutrition, connection) so that you can be your best self to support others. When serving at full capacity as an educator, social worker, or childcare provider, it is essential to understand the impact you have on the youth and children in your care. When you take care of your own needs, you can then create environments that feel safe for children and families to attend to their own needs.

  1. Community Engagement

Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs) can significantly lessen the effects of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). The seven actions that support PCEs are all relationally based, emphasizing the profound impact of individual relationships on a child’s world. Whether you’re a coach, a teacher, a neighbor, a friend’s parent, or a youth leader, your role in creating space for children and youth to have positive and safe relationships is invaluable. Every adult who fosters such relationships is making a therapeutic difference in a child’s life.

If you are implementing any of these five strategies in your home, workplace, or community, you are playing a crucial role in supporting the mental health of children and youth. Dr. Perry’s talk reveals that healing from trauma is not primarily about clinical interventions, but about rebuilding human connections. Our modern world has systematically dismantled the relational networks that historically supported human development, creating environments of stress and disconnection. The brain, an incredibly complex organ, thrives on predictable, moderate challenges and consistent, attuned interactions. 
This is not intended to discourage seeking professional therapy when needed, but rather to emphasize the vital role of community interactions in fostering healing. Actual therapeutic work occurs not in isolated therapy sessions, but in communities where individuals—parents, neighbors, coaches, and educators—understand how to be present, responsive, and supportive. By recognizing that resilience is built through small, repeated moments of safety and connection, we can transform our approach to mental health from an individual medical model to a collective, compassionate community strategy.

There is No Magic Wand

There is a hard truth in life – There is No Magic Wand. 

However, humans are looking for the easy way out, the magic wand. You may look for what will make you feel better: the piece of cake, avoiding the workout, not taking the time to sit in silence, or keeping scrolling.

There is no single piece of advice or information I share on my blog that will improve your wellbeing; that is why I share many ways to enhance your wellness. 

This past month, I joined a weight loss group. I joined the group for several reasons, mostly to feel better about my body, increase my muscle mass, and potentially lose some weight. I also wanted accountability since I had been losing weight but had plateaued. I needed some help.

I am in week 2 of the program, and it’s not easy. In fact, it is very challenging. Then last week, my weight went in the wrong direction—UGGH!! I calmed myself down and reached out to my coach to ask about the increase. She gave me several valid reasons why my weight would have gone up, and none of them had to do with me not following the program. 

Here is the change in me!! 

  1. I calmed myself down and found a place within myself where I didn’t feel emotionally triggered by the number I saw on the scale.
  2. I reached out for help.
  3. I didn’t give up.

In the past, the number on the scale would have triggered me not to weigh myself for months. Then, I would just give up and tell myself that it’s my genetic (I have a disposition to a particular body type) or that no matter what I do, I can’t lose the pounds. 

I attribute my perseverance and changed reactions to my well-being practices. The short routine, mindsets, and tools I establish in the mornings set my mind in the “right” place. You can hear me talk about my morning routine here. 

Improving our well-being is hard work. Researchers have found an adaptation called hedonic adaptation in humans. This adaptation is the tendency to return to a set point after emotional changes. Because of this adaptation, our perception of happiness or sadness won’t last long. 

This adaptation is good because it lets us know that when a sad event happens, the sadness will not last forever. However, this is also why when you buy that new car you have been saving for, and you feel joy, the joy doesn’t last forever. It wears off, and we are on to the next emotional high without awareness of our feelings. 

Researchers have noticed that we go back to the emotional set point much more quickly after a positive event than after major events that are uncomfortable and cause loss, like losing a loved one or a job. 

To raise our emotional set point, we need to actively take care of ourselves. We need to find the tools, routines, and mindsets that help us ride and navigate the waves of change in our lives. These well-being practices are a powerful act of self-care that empowers us to face life’s challenges. 

Try this:

  1. What is one wellbeing tool, mindset, or routine you would like to practice this week? Pick something small, like watching a sunrise in silence, going for a 10-minute walk outside, or intentionally focusing on a positive event at the end of the day.
  2. When will you do this action? Set a reminder or put it in your calendar.
  3. Each time you do your chosen action, congratulate yourself with a pat on the back or a mental “way to go!”

When you start to practice wellbeing for yourself, there will be ups and downs. Remember that there is no magic wand for change; however, you are the magic to create change, starting with yourself.

Real Self-Care is Rooted in Strengths

Recently, I attended a Restorative Justice Program conference with practitioners and youth from throughout the state. This conference was different than other conferences I had attended. I could tell as I walked into the opening session conference room. 

The room had chairs arranged into five large circles. The room host said, “Choose the circle that speaks to you.” As I walked around the room and looked at the items in the middle of each circle, I noticed a deck of cards in the center of one of the circles. Written on the deck box cover was the phrase: Rest is Resistance. This concept, which I had heard for the second time in less than a week, suggests that rest is not a passive act, but a form of resistance against the societal pressures that often lead to burnout. This must be a signal that this was the circle for me.

As the conference proceeded, on the second day, I selected a circle discussion on self-care. The Circle Keeper (the facilitator) asked a question about our emotions. However, instead of saying an emotion, she associated emotion words with animals and plants. So, if you felt sad, you were a Weeping Willow, or if you felt tired, you were an Owl. Sometimes, a person was a combination of more than one emotion.

The second round of questions focused on incorporating self-care into our lives across various categories: physical, emotional, environmental, social, mental, spiritual, intellectual, and financial. The facilitator provided examples and explained how to create combinations of self-care activities. While we don’t need activities from every category, it’s important to find ways to prioritize self-care. It was great to hear everyone share their goals for enhancing self-care and aspects of their lives that already support it.

As you move into the summer season (here in the northern hemisphere), take the time to stop and consider your self-care combination. Your strengths and values are good places to turn to help you develop a summer plan.

One of my strengths from the CliftonStrengths assessment is that I am a Learner. As a Learner, I enjoy the process of learning, plus one of my top values is a love of learning. When I lean into my strengths and values, self-care looks like spending time reading a book in my backyard on the patio. This understanding of my strengths and values empowers me to make self-care choices that truly resonate with me. 

In a training I facilitated on Strengths in Action, a session that focuses on leveraging your unique strengths to promote self-care, I asked participants to reflect on their strengths and recall when one or more of their strengths helped them in self-care. The conversation reflected on the resilience they had built through leaning into their strengths in ways that promoted self-care. 

You can do the same! Here are a few questions to start you on your way:

  1. What are your strengths? 

If you are unsure, I facilitate Strength Conversations with individuals and teams that can help you become aware and take action to support your self-care.

  1. What are your values? 

This is another area in which I support individuals and teams in growing to be their best for the people they serve. 

  1. What area do you want to focus on for self-care? 

Select one category: Physical, Emotional, Environmental, Social, Mental, Spiritual, Intellectual, or Financial. Some activities can be in more than one area. You choose!

  1. When will you practice?

Build the activity into your daily calendar. It’s better to start small, like a 10-minute walk, a 5-minute rest, a simple text to friends, or selecting one kitchen drawer to declutter. Whatever you choose, remember to congratulate yourself on taking the time to do it! Celebrating your efforts is an important part of the self-care journey.

If you need more inspiration, sign up for my free toolkit, 5 Simple Strategies to Build Resilience and Reduce Burnout. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Support is available to help you identify and live by your strengths and values.

Let these few months of summer be time for you to exhale and create ways to build resilience through self-care.

The High Cost of Trauma

“Trauma: I don’t have any trauma in my life! I came from a good family with supportive parents, had a roof over my head, and food on the table. My life is great! So why do I need to be aware of the effects of trauma on me?”

These are the thoughts I had before learning about the effects of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and Secondary Traumatic Stress on a person. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. In childhood, I did have supportive parents, a roof over my head, and food on the table. However, as a child, my weight was a great source of bullying, which led me down the road of starting to diet in 8th grade, leading to my struggles with body image.  

In my adult life, my husband and I adopted children from foster care. We had a big house and lots of love in our hearts to open our home to a sibling group. This experience is how I learned about secondary traumatic stress. 

Secondary traumatic stress is a psychological condition when a person is exposed to the traumatic experiences of another person. Our children had experienced multiple losses and chronic stress in their short lives. Those past losses and stressors showed up in challenging behaviors I didn’t understand, creating a lot of stress for my husband and me. 

My journey has opened my eyes to the pervasive nature of trauma.

The trauma of the past doesn’t leave our systems; it doesn’t magically disappear. Without deeper examination and taking responsibility for our well-being, our trauma shows up in so many different ways, especially in workplaces that don’t feel psychologically safe. 

The Campaign for Trauma-Informed Policy and Practices has estimated that the cost of an unsafe workplace can reduce productivity by up to 20%, and replacing an employee who leaves the organization can cost up to $25,000 to that organization. In recent years, I have known many veteran educators and non-profit staff who have left an organization or school due to a toxic workplace. Think of the years of experience, professional development, and expertise an organization puts into that person walking out the door.  

Plus, there are the healthcare impacts of an unsafe workplace culture. More sick days are taken, higher levels of burnout, and more significant claims to health insurance. These financial and healthcare implications should serve as a wake-up call to the importance of addressing trauma in the workplace.

Did you know:

70% of adults have experienced at least one traumatic event

20% have four or more ACEs and

5% have been diagnosed with PTSD or Complex PTSD

I can go on with the statistics; however, I think you get the picture. People come with trauma and chronic stress from their lives in to the workplace. That trauma and stress can’t just be left at the door. When the workplace culture feels unsafe to them, they react. 

What might the reactions look like? Here are a few indicators,

  • Overly sensitive to feedback
  • Regularly calling in sick
  • Working extremely long hours that leads to burnout
  • Hard time making decisions
  • Complaining about everything

What can you do to create a workplace that feels safe?

  • Awareness is the first step. Leadership needs to acknowledge the losses through the impact of trauma, chronic stress, and unsafe workplace culture.
  • Create a safe environment where employees feel heard and seen through the organizations’ routines, protocols, and policies.
  • Connection and communication is key throughout the organization. 
  • Leaders are role models for their staff in the need for well-being practices. These practices can shift a situation’s energy from shame and blame to curiosity and understanding.
  • Shifting the conversation from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What’s happened to you?” to “What’s right with you?” 

These shifts in the workplace must be accompanied by personal responsibility. When each individual in the system recognizes their role and commits to growing in self-awareness, alongside the changes from leadership, the workplace can transform from a toxic environment to one of purpose and enjoyment. 
Check out the other resources on the Wildewood Learning blog to grow your knowledge in trauma-informed resiliency practices for organizations and schools.