Revised from a post in January, 2021

Love your neighbor as yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Many of the wisdom traditions use a version of the Golden Rule. This rule or guideline focuses on connecting with compassion. 

I remember when I was a child growing up in the ’70s and ’80s, I felt loneliness, anxiety, and the stress of expectations. However, the issues of my friendships, where to eat on a Saturday night (Pizza Hut, of course), and what to do when I felt there was nothing else to do, were much simpler than today. Without the invention of texting and social media, I usually didn’t know about a party until after the fact. If my friends decided to go to the movies and I wasn’t home to pick up the phone, my friends made plans. 

It’s different today for the current generation. Children and teens today have instant notifications, instant invitations, or instant connections, all through the little device in their hands. Yet, is it really what they want or need? Research reports a concerning rise in loneliness among teens, young people feeling disconnected and isolated even if they can connect instantly. This rise in adolescent loneliness is often linked to increased social media use and changes in social interactions, especially after the pandemic.

Even though my teen years differ significantly from my young adult children’s, I have compassion for this generation’s young people because of an essential shared human experience. The needs of belonging, connection, and to matter are essential at all stages of life.

I have worked in social and emotional learning for over 18 years. In those years, I have learned that building a connection with several caring, capable, and compassionate adults is essential in a young person’s life. Adults who will listen and seriously attempt to understand are protective factors for children and teens.

Compassion is created from three components – awareness of suffering, action to relieve suffering, and recognizing a shared human experience.

What does compassion look like as a caring adult?

I was working at a day camp one summer, and I saw a young person I knew sitting on the sideline, watching others play a game. I went over the talk to her and struck up a conversation. As I listened with curiosity and asked a few questions, I discovered she didn’t know the game’s rules. So I took the time to explain the rules and asked her to play. Simply listening and inviting her to play is an act of compassion.

The Search Institute, a research organization in Minneapolis, Minnesota, has compiled 40 positive supports and strengths a young person needs to succeed. One area is support: care from family, other adults, community members, and school staff. When a young person feels supported by the adults around him/her, there is a decrease in high-risk behaviors. Simple ways to connect with youth can happen in your community. YOU can play a part in the solution!

Here are ten ways to increase your compassion and connect with a child or teen.

• Take an interest in an activity a child or teen you know is involved in by attending the activity or asking the teen questions, then listen.
• Ask a child what they are interested in doing. What are her passions? What sparks his interests? 
• Play a game of pick-up basketball (or other games) with a group of kids for fun.
• Invite kids on the sidelines to participate in a game.
• Give an authentic and specific compliment to a child. An example could be, “Wow, I admire how you organized the books on the shelf.”
• Do a random act of kindness for a teen.
• Ask, “What are your dreams?” “Whom would you like to be?”
• Accept a child for who he or she is, a unique individual.
• Make sure making mistakes is “okay” for both kids and adults. 
• Breathe deeply and create a pause before saying something that could harm a child.

If you take steps on even some of these ten simple actions, you will build compassion in yourself over time. These activities will not completely solve our world’s complex problem of loneliness, violence, or inequities; however, it is a start.