Resilience is often thought of as simply pushing through tough times, but in trauma-informed practice, it’s actually about calming the nervous system and recognizing our strengths, focusing on “what’s strong, not what’s wrong” in ourselves and others. This gentle approach encourages understanding and growth for everyone involved.

My mind is constantly scanning for danger. I can’t help it. As I move through a dark parking lot, I grip my keys tightly, the pointed end protruding between my knuckles. Following what I learned in self-defense class, I keep my eyes on the dark corners and the parking area, maintaining a clear view of the door.

The brain’s alertness has enabled humans to survive for over 10,000 years. However, there are many moments when our brain remains on high alert, making it challenging to access problem-solving parts of the brain. This is evident in situations like a customer yelling at a service worker during an exchange, a driver giving the finger to another driver, a loud honk when someone is cut off in traffic, or a child pulling their hood over their head while an adult yells at them. 

This week, as I sat in the Neurosequential Model course taught by Dr. Bruce Perry, I was reminded that the lower part of our brain, the brain stem, is where we are most common as humanity. This is our stress response area of the brain where our reactions to stress can be fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This part of the brain is often called the lizard or survival brain.

Dr. Perry wrote the book “What’s Happened to You?” with Oprah Winfrey to discuss childhood trauma and how it stays with us through adulthood. The effects of trauma do not go away. If we are aware of our reactions in certain situations, we can begin to build regulation skills to shift from what is wrong to what is strong within ourselves and others. However, this process takes self-awareness and practice. It’s not easy to override the thing that has been keeping us alive for thousands of years. 

Here are three ways you can lean into your strengths and help others lean into theirs as a way to regulate your nervous system.

Noticing Strengths: A Simple Nervous System Reset

When a friend or colleague shares a problematic situation, listen and reflect on what you heard, which is empathetic listening. Acknowledge that the experience was hard, then ask them what has helped them move through such a challenging time. A simple question can help people shift their focus to the strengths in their lives.

Shared Abundance: How Gratitude Supports Nervous System Regulation 

We can keep a gratitude journal to help us see that we are part of a bigger picture. However, one time I kept an abundance journal. My coach had me write down every day all the abundance that came into my life. This could be that a friend bought me a coffee, that I received a paycheck, or that I received a coupon for half off a meal. Whatever I wanted to count as “abundance,” it helped me see how it came into my life daily and how I can spread abundance to others through my actions. 

Calling Out the Strengths: Build Resilience and Confidence

We all have strengths that are specific to who we are. In the CliftonStrengths assessment, strengths are your natural patterns (talents) combined with knowledge and skills, including what you naturally do, have learned, and practice. Recognizing your unique talents, knowledge, and abilities can inspire confidence and self-worth, empowering you to leverage these strengths in challenging situations.

When we practice turning toward our strengths, it can build our resilience. This is a shared journey, and by noticing the people, practices, and strengths within our control, we can support each other and make a meaningful difference in the world through collective resilience. 

If you lead or work in an organization serving children and families, this strengths-based lens is not just personal, it’s cultural. Building resilient teams starts with regulation, safety, and learning to see what’s strong before trying to fix what’s wrong. Incorporating team-based resilience practices can foster a supportive environment that benefits both staff and clients.